Omaha Tiger

episode transcript by Sarah Spearey

The Streets: Day

(The Torino is chasing a car down a wide street with the siren blaring. The man in the other car is bald and wearing earrings. The car narrowly misses traffic and pedestrians.)

Starsky: Where’s he going?

Hutch: If you ever catch him, you can ask him.

Starsky: If I ever catch him I won’t have to ask him.

(They bump over a dirt mound and on to another road. The car continues to narrowly miss other cars and drives straight into another dirt mound. He stops and runs out wearing a dress and heels. The Torino parks outside a bar that the man enters. He climbs over the bar just as Hutch enters and knocks into a waitress. Starsky comes in and he’s given a tray by Hutch. They both scramble over the bar and find the man in the kitchen. The man hides behind a cook with a tray of food. Hutch pushes the cook out the way and the food goes over Starsky.)

Cook: Hey, what’s going on?

Starsky: About 20 more minutes and a dash of oregano.

(Out the back the man in the skirt tries climbing over the fence, but Hutch catches up to him.)

Hutch: Fireball.

Fireball: All right. Kill me, kill me. (Starsky joins them)

Hutch: What for? Shoplifting.

Fireball: Shoplifting to you. It’s a violation of parole for me. That’s two years back in the joint. Go ahead and shoot.

Starsky: No, no. And spoil our plans to go to wrestling matches

Fireball: You’re not gonna shoot?

Hutch: Well, look at it this way Fireball, we’re gonna do you a favour. I mean, I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress like that.

Starsky: I don’t you. You’d look rather nice in basic black and pearls.

Hutch: What the hell happened to you?

Starsky: Don’t ask. (Grabs Fireball) Come on. (They drags him down and back into the bar)

Olympic Auditorium: Night.

(The auditorium’s empty and Starsky and Hutch are sat in the audience)

Starsky: What do you mean nothing? I mean, did you really get a good look at that, huh?

Hutch: Sure.

Starsky: I mean, you see the way the guy went flying out of the ring and ended up in the third row.

Hutch: Which guy?

Starsky: Oh, come on.

Hutch: No, wait a minute, Starsk. (Both standing they head for the ring) You see happens is you get some Idaho picker potato picker in here, you give him a funny name and a fancy pair of tights and a bottle of ketchup.

Starsky: A bottle of ketchup?

Hutch: Yeah, you teach him to spit and groan and fly around the ring.

Starsky: Fly around the ring? No, you wait one second, man. That was an execution of a perfect flying drop kick. Now, that was art.

Hutch: Starsky, I went to college.

Starsky: What?

Hutch: That is not art.

Starsky: What are you talking about?

Hutch: That’s effort. (Rings the bell and climbs onto the ring) Effort. It takes that much effort to get that much blubber out of the ring.

Starsky: Yeah, you know what your problem is. (Climbs into the ring)

Hutch: What?

Starsky: Not only are you jealous.

Hutch: Jealous?

Starsky: Don’t deny it. You’re also some kind of dilettante.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: You heard me. There’s a lot of art involved there. I mean, these guys aren’t only great athletes, they happen to be great actors. I mean, they got great imaginations. They got great balance. They’re nimble and they are fleet of foot.

Hutch: And fake. (He retreats into the corner) Hey, Starsk, come here, Starsk. Starsk.

Starsky: What? (He goes over to Hutch)

Hutch: I wanna show you something.

Starsky: What are you doing now? (Hutch puts both Starsky’s hands on his shoulders)

Hutch: You ready?

Starsky: For what? (Hutch ducks his head under Starsky’s arm, grabs his thigh and flips him over on to the mat.) Hey! (Hutch has his leg in a lock. Starsky groans) that’s not funny. Come on. (A man approaches the ring)

Mac: Hey, what is this? The main event?

Hutch: Hey, Mac.

Starsky: Hey, Mac.

Mac: I didn’t know you could wrestle, Hutch.

Hutch: Oh, it isn’t much.

Starsky: He doesn’t like to brag. Claims he won intercollegiate wrestling for two years.

Hutch: Three years. Three.

Starsky: Okay.

Hutch: Okay. (Let’s go of him and rolls him over)

Starsky: Well, what’s a broken knee and a sweat armpit or two? (They crawl to the edge of the ring)

Mac: Sorry to keep you boys waiting for so long. I had to collect some money from my stands.

Hutch: Oh, you’re getting rich, huh, Mac?

Mac: It beats beating a beat.

Starsky: That’s good, Mac.

Hutch: He’s a poet.

Starsky: Really.

Mac: Hey, how’s Dobey?

Starsky: He’s okay. Keeps asking after you.

Mac: Is he still putting on weight?

Starsky: Well, last time he got on the scales, he broke them.

Mac: You know about a 109 years ago when I was a young cop, this was my beat. Later on, I broke Dobey in on it.

Hutch: Mac-

Mac: I guess I told you about that before haven’t I?

Starsky: Yeah, about 109 times. (Two men approach, a big guy and a smaller guy) Hey, that’s the-

Mac: The Omaha Tiger.

Starsky: Yeah, I hardly recognise him.

Hutch: Well, you see Starsky, you put a sport coat on a tiger and you got a pussy cat.

Mac: Hey, Eddie, come here a minute. I want you to meet some old friends of mine.

Taft: Not now, Johnson, huh? (Eddie walks to Mac)

Mac: Eddie, this is Starsky.

Eddie: How are ya?

Starsky: Hey. (They shake hands)

Mac: This is Hutch.

Starsky: You were terrific.

Eddie: Nice to meet you.

Mac: Everything went according to plan, right, Taft?

Taft: Eddie and I got things to talk about.

Mac: Sure. Gonna go all the way with the tiger, right?

Taft: Yeah, right.

Eddie: Hey, why don’t you stop riding him, okay?

Mac: Because he’s on your back, Eddie. But you don’t know it yet.

Taft: We don’t have to listen to this. Come on. (They leave)

Hutch: Hey, Mac. (Jumps down from the ring) Got some kind of a beef with the manager?

Mac: Al Taft? He’s a parasite. I’ve seen him use up a lot of Eddies over the years. And when it’s all done Taft ends up with the Cadillac’s, the Eddies end up in a car wash.

Hutch: Yeah.

Mac: Incidentally, you guys know anything about an accident a couple of nights ago, a guy named Carnieri. Went over a cliff in his truck.

Starsky: No, what about it?

Mac: I may have something on it for you. Meet me tomorrow morning at 10:00 in the owner’s office. Her name is Ellen Forbes. (He walks away)

Hutch: See ya, Mac.

Starsky: Take it easy.

Hutch: Great guy, huh?

Starsky: Wanna go and fall?

Hutch: No.

Starsky: What’s the matter, you chicken?

Hutch: Yeah.

Olympic Auditorium: Day

(The next morning, Starsky and Hutch arrive at the auditorium and enter the gym. Two midgets are fighting on a mat and two women are fighting in the ring. The woman in blue gets her opponent in a head lock)

Starsky: Um, excuse me.

Tessie: Hello, cutie.

Hutch: Uh, excuse me. We’re looking to Ellen Forbes’ office.

Tessie: Oh, yeah. Right this way. (Drops her opponent and steps out of the ring)

Starsky: Hey, Hutch, look at that. (Points to the midgets. Locks Starsky’s shoulders.)

Tessie: Full nelson. (Pulls back one of his shoulders.) Half nelson.

Starsky: When they do it is it a quarter nelson? (Lets him go)

Tessie: Oh, he’s a wit.

Hutch: Only half.

Tessie: Are you two cops?

Starsky: Yeah. How’d you know?

Tessie: I felt your gun and I figured you were here to investigate the accident.

Hutch: What accident?

Tessie: A guy named Mac Johnson fell down a flight of stairs. Found him dead this morning.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: Where?

Tessie: Section E, near the hot dog stand. Want me to show you?

Hutch: No, we’ll find it.

Starsky: Thanks.

(They leave the gym. Out in the corridor a gurney is wheeled along with the body covered up and the police in front. Starsky and Hutch arrive)

Starsky: Hey. (They show the police there badges and stop at the gurney)

Hutch: Hold up a minute. (Lifts up the sheet and sees a mark on Mac’s ear.)

The Ring: Day

(Starsky and Hutch head down to the ring where Ellen Forbes is.)

Starsky: Ellen Forbes? One second, please? (She waits. They head down to her) You are Ellen Forbes?

Ellen: Yes. (Shows her his badge) Oh, we’ve already talked to the police.

Starsky: Yes, well, we’d like to ask you some questions. You see, Mac Johnson asked us to meet him at your office this morning.

Ellen: He did?

Starsky: Yeah. He didn’t mention it to you?

Ellen: No.

Carl: I’m Carl Boyce. How do you do?

Ellen: I’m sorry. This is my business manager.

Carl: Did he say what it was that he wanted to talk to Miss Forbes about?

Starsky: Yeah. About an accident that happened a few days ago. A truck went over a cliff. A guy by the name of Carnieri was involved.

Carl: Carnieri?

Ellen: I’ve never heard of the man.

Starsky: Mr. Boyce?

Carl: I don’t know. I don’t know who he was either. (A cleaner is heard whistling) See you.

Hutch: Um, do you know about what time the accident happened?

Ellen: Well, Carl and I left around…

Carl: It was around 11. Charlie? How long is it gonna take to get this place cleaned up. Come on, get these guys moving. Sorry. Excuse me.

Ellen: As far as I know Mac was fine then.

Hutch: What time did Mac usually close his concessions?

Carl: Around 11:30. He was the last one to leave, usually too.

Ellen: He must have just lost his footing in the dark and-

Starsky: It’s all right. Thank you, Mrs. Forbes.

Carl: Thank you. (They turn and walk away)

Starsky: What’s his name?

Hutch: Boyce.

Starsky: Boyce.

Hutch: Starsk, how can people be so insensitive?

Starsky: Really. (They leave)

In the Corridor: Day

(Eddie and Taft are walking down the corridor)

Taft: We’ll get you a rubdown, then we got this 1:00 with a TV reporter Get a nice spread in the magazine.

Starsky: Eddie? (Starsky and Hutch catch up to them)

Eddie: Hey, what’s shaking?

Starsky: What you doing?

Taft: Same old routine.

Hutch: Business as usual, huh?

Taft: Life’s gotta go one, right?

Starsky: Not for Mac Johnson.

Eddie: Hey, look, up front I want something understood. I liked Mac Johnson, but I’m really busy now and I don’t have time to fool with it.

Taft: Okay, all right, now you hear where he’s coming from. We got a million things to do. Now, you finished with us.

Hutch: Now, wait, wait, wait a minute. I want you to hear this. I used to wrestle in college. I know what you’ve got here. Now, you’re rolling (points to Eddie) and you’re rolling. And nobody has any time to spend over a dead man. Especially a man somebody didn’t like.

Eddie: Hey, I like everybody.

Taft: Mac Johnson didn’t like me, okay.

Starsky: Hey, come on now. Let’s just take it easy, huh? Slow it down. (Everyone goes quiet) Okay?

Hutch: All right. Whatever works for you guys.

Eddie: Look, I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do to help let me know, okay? Why don’t you come down and we’ll go a few falls sometime. You know, legit style.

Hutch: Afraid I wouldn’t be much competition for you Eddie.

Starsky: What are you talking about? I think that’s a terrific idea. Well, you yourself said that these guys weren’t really wrestlers.

Eddie: Don’t worry. I’ll take it easy on you. It wouldn’t be right, you know? Bruise a peace officer. (Laughs)

Taft: Yeah, yeah.

Hutch: Right.

Taft: Okay, now. Can we go?

Starsky: Sure.

Taft: Let’s go Eddie. (They leave. Hutch rests his hand on Starsky’s shoulder)

Hutch: Thanks, Partner.

Starsky: Anytime. Why do I get the feeling it’s like watching a Christian head for the lions.

Hutch: Taft?

Starsky: Yeah.

Hutch: You know, I’m beginning to feel that Mac was right about him.

Starsky: You thinking maybe Mac got pushed down those stairs?

Hutch: I’m think maybe he was dead before he was pushed down the stairs.

The Squad Room: Day

(Hutch is on the phone)

Hutch: You tell Pathology I wanna know now, not tomorrow. Yeah and transfer me to 650, will ya? (Waits. A man comes in and gives Starsky a note)

Starsky: Thanks. Got an address on Carnieri. 518 South Ninth Street.

Hutch: (On Phone) Yeah.

Starsky: He ran a laundry.

Hutch: Yeah, doc? Yeah. You’re sure? Listen, one more question about the bruise on the neck. Yeah, okay doc. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up)

Starsky: What about the bruise?

Hutch: Well, Mac died of a brain concussion. But there is a pressure point just above the motor nerve.

Starsky: Carnieri had the same thing?

Hutch: Pathology’s gonna check it out and call us back.

Starsky: Can you really kill somebody that way?

Hutch: If you have the hands for it.

Starsky: Mac couldn’t have gotten that bruise from falling down the stairs?

Hutch: Mac came to us with information about Carnieri’s accident and then Mac has an accident. Starsky, the coincidences stink.

Starsky: Well, if Pathology calls back with the right answer, we got a murder on our hands.

Hutch: Yeah.

Olympic Auditorium: Day

(In the gym, Tessie is having her cape stitched while she’s wearing it)

Taylor: Tessie, how can I fit this thing properly if you don’t stop undulating? (Starsky and Hutch enter. Tessie swoops away) Tessie!

Tessie: Hi, sugarplum. Wanna go two out of three falls?

Starsky: No fair, Tess. I got no cape.

Tessie: Yeah, I bet you got everything else you need.

Starsky: Yeah. (A man lifting weights with a white mask on watches them) Ah, just one question, Tessie.

Tessie: Oh, call me terrible. (Shows him her cape)

Starsky: Terrible, okay. Look, the guy who died, Mac Johnson, did he ever have any problems? I mean, did he ever have any arguments with any of the people around here?

Tessie: Eddie. And Al Taft. Something about those two guys got under his skin. (The man takes off his mask, still staring at them)

Hutch: Tessie, one more question. This guy standing against the wall over here keeps glaring at Starsky. Who is he?

Starsky: Oh, wait a second. I know who that guy is. That guy is the Russian Mummy. He’s the guy that throw the referee into the third row.

Tessie: He does that sometimes when he gets riled. He thought that I was flirting with the ref before the bout.

Starsky: No kidding.

Hutch: Oh, he’s your boyfriend, huh?

Tessie: Oh, I like to keep him guessing. I like to keep all my men guessing. (The Mummy’s still staring)

Starsky: Yeah. Tess, it’s been a pleasure. I wanna thank you very much. (Shakes her hand)

Tessie: Anytime, dumpling. And don’t worry about Iggy. He may look mean but I wouldn’t let him hurt a cutie-pie like you. (Hutch grabs his arm and pulls him away.)

Hutch: What’d you wanna bet she made the same promise to the referee.

Starsky: Let’s get out of here. (They leave)

Down by the Ring: Day

(Ellen Forbes, Carl Boyce and another man are stood by the hotdog stand)

Ellen: I know this is very short notice Mr… Felton, is it?

Felton: That’s right. George Felton. And don’t worry, I’ll have my lawyer draw up the necessary legal paper’s with Johnson’s lawyer and I’ll have the food concessions operational by the time you open tonight. (They start walking towards the ring)

Ellen: What about Mr. Johnson’s people? I’d hate to have them lose their jobs.

Felton: Don’t worry. I’m keeping them all on.

Ellen: Oh, good. (Starsky and Hutch enter)

Hutch: Oh, excuse me.

Carl: Back again?

Starsky: Yeah, gotta throw a few more questions.

Ellen: Oh, I’m sorry. This is Mr. Felton. Detectives Starsky and Hutchinson.

Felton: How do you do? (Shakes Starsky’s hand)

Starsky: Hiya.

Hutch: How you doing, Mr. Felton? You connected with this organisation?

Felton: Yes, I’ve taken over Mac Johnson’s concessions.

Carl: Gentleman, we have a lot of business to take care of. Listen, I thought we’d answered all your questions?

Hutch: Yeah, well, as a matter of fact, we’re back again because we don’t think Mac Johnson’s death was accidental.

Felton: If you’ll excuse me I’ve got plenty to do to get ready for tonight. Excuse me, Gentleman…

Ellen: Yes, of course.

Felton: Nice to have met you. (Walks past them and walks down the stairs where a security guard is waiting)

Guard: Trouble?

Felton: Those to cops aren’t buying Johnson’s accident. If they keep it up we’re gonna have to be very creative when we plan their accident.

The Gym: Day

(Starsky and Hutch enter the gym where Eddie is weight lifting.)

Starsky: There he is. (They go up to Eddie)

Hutch: Hey, Ed

Eddie: Hey. (Puts down his weight) Come down to wrestle me?

Hutch: Ah, no, no. Came down to ask you a few more questions. (Taft enters)

Taft: Hey, Eddie, can I see you for a minute?

Eddie: Excuse me just a minute, okay?

Hutch: Sure.

Starsky: Sure. Why don’t you wrestle him?

Hutch: Well, why don’t you wrestle him?

Starsky: You’re the one with the experience.

Hutch: Yeah, well, it was your idea.

Starsky: So, we take my idea and your experience, mix them up and you go in there and see what makes him tick. Come on, be a sport.

Hutch: Okay. (Hutch takes off his jacket)

Starsky: Attaboy.

(Across the gym)

Taft: Eddie, Listen, you’re letting Johnson’s death last night upset you.

Eddie: I said, get away from me.

Taft: We gotta settle this.

Eddie: It’s settled.

Starsky: Lead with your left, keep your chin in.

Hutch: Starsky, this is wrestling, not boxing.

Starsky: Oh, then keep your chin up.

Eddie: Changed your mind?

Hutch: Yeah, Ed, sure. (Eddie gets in the ring) Well, it’s as good a way to find out about Mac Johnson.

Starsky: Go in and do it, kid.

Hutch: Yeah. (Steps into the ring and trips.)

Starsky: Want me to say ‘go’? Oh, well, while you two waltz each other around, I’ll go call pathology. (Hutch stretches a little and gets into his stance)

Hutch: Now, you wouldn’t bruise a peace officer, would you, Eddie?

Eddie: You ready?

Hutch: Yeah. What do you know about Mac Johnson?

Eddie: What about him? (Lunges at Hutch, but gets whipped around.)

Hutch: The two of you didn’t get along to well, did you?

Eddie: He didn’t bother me. (Grabs Hutch’s arm and gets him around the waist. Hutch uses his elbows and gets away.)

Hutch: Mac gave you a hard time about Al Taft, didn’t he?

Eddie: Al’s just my manager. He doesn’t know me. I told Johnson that. (Hutch does a forward roll and grabs Eddie’s leg knocking him to the mat. Eddie uses his other leg to kick him away. Eddie pins Hutch to the mat with an elbow to his neck) Nobody owns me. Just business. I got a right to better myself, don’t I? (Presses down harder) Don’t I?

Hutch: (Gasping) Eddie, Eddie.

Starsky: Eddie! (Let’s up and pulls back)

Eddie: Why do we have to talk about it? I don’t wanna talk about it. (Hutch rubs his neck and sits up) You did good. That’s it for me today. (Leaves the ring)

Starsky: You okay?

Hutch: Yeah. Immortality, huh?

Starsky: Well, you almost got there.

Hutch: Boy, he’s a hard guy to figure.

Starsky: Yeah. Half kid, half man.

Hutch: Half horse.

Starsky: He’s likeable.

Hutch: It’s just hard to figure out where he’s coming from.

Starsky: He’s all mixed up inside. You notice the way he looks at Ellen Forbes?

Hutch: Yeah. She’s not to difficult to look at. Wonder what he and Al Taft were arguing about. Well, what’d you hear on Carnieri?

Starsky: Nothing much. Just a funny little bruise on the side of his neck. (Starsky hands Hutch his gun and they leave)

Carnieri’s Laundry: Day

(Starsky and Hutch exit the building, bumping into a man carrying a white sack)

Starsky: Excuse me. Should only deliver this fast.

Hutch: Oh! (Grabs the back of his neck)

Starsky: What’s the matter?

Hutch: I think Eddie bent my spirit a little.

Starsky: Oh, gonna call Dobey?

Hutch: Yeah. (The get in the Torino and Starsky opens up his wrestling magazine) This is Zebra Three; patch me through to Captain Dobey, please.

Dispatch: Zebra Three, Captain Dobey is in a meeting with the commissioner and cannot be disturbed.

Hutch: Well, then take a request for information, please.

Dispatch: Roger Zebra Three. Go ahead.

Hutch: Captain, this is Hutch. We just spoke with Carnieri’s widow. It seems he was being pressured into selling his laundry to a company by the name of Belladon or Bellaman, something like that. Would you check it out? End of message.

Starsky: Hey.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: Carnieri’s widow said that he was into long shots. What does that make you think of?

Hutch: De Pew’s Meat Plant. (They start the car and drive away. The guard from the auditorium watches them from a phone booth while he’s on the phone)

Guard: Listen, those two cops, they just came out of Carnieri’s place. I don’t know. Okay, I’ll get back to you. (Hangs up and gets in a car with a driver) They’re getting too close. He wants us to make our move. (They drive off)

De Pew’s Meat Plant: Day

(The Torino pulls up outside the meat planet and Starsky and Hutch get out)

Starsky: You got any idea what Huggy’s doing here?

Hutch: Nope. (They walk up the stairs to the door)

Starsky: Well, that’s good. (They enter while at the same time a van parks across the street and two men get out. Inside Hutch and Starsky search the place) Whatever he’s doing business sure looks lousy. (Outside the guard locks them in and go round back. Inside voices are coming from behind a door. Starsky and Hutch enter)

Announcer: Okay, they’re at the gates. The flag is up and they’re off.

(Inside people are crowded around a small race track with mice racing each other and people betting on them)

Announcer: Come on, Cheese Biscuit. All right, and the winner is Cheese Biscuit. All right, the winner is Cheese Biscuit. Red (Huggy is watching the action from behind a crate that he’s using as a desk. Starsky and Hutch approach)

Huggy: Nobody on Cheese Biscuit? What a pity. Well, welcome to Rodent Downs, gentleman. Just a friendly game of chance amongst friends.

Starsky: Mouse races?

Hutch: I don’t believe it.

Huggy: Well, you ever try to get 10 horses in a basement. How would you like to make a little wager?

Hutch: Huggy, we need your help. Come here.

Huggy: Well, don’t bet on Mouse of War in the next race. He’s a dog.

Hutch: No, no, no. Not that kind of help. We’d like you to see what you can find out about a man named Carnieri. He ran a laundry over Ninth Street.

Announcer: Hey, Huggy. Wanna cover $50 on The Cat’s Meow?

Huggy: I’ll take it.

Starsky: Uh, wait a sec. I’ll-I’ll bet, uh, ten on, uh, green.

Huggy: Lower the odds. Four to one.

Hutch: Huggy, Carnieri?

Huggy: Where does he hang out? I’ll check him out.

Hutch: He doesn’t hang out. He’s dead. He went over a cliff in a laundry truck.

Huggy: You make that sound like it was on purpose.

Hutch: Well, it’s starting to look that way.

Huggy: Well, he’s got enemies. How about any friends?

Starsky: Well, that’s what we want you to find out.

Huggy: I’ll see what I can find out on the street.

Hutch: Okay, thanks.

Announcer: They’re in the gates.

Starsky: Wait a second.

Announcer: The flag is up and they’re off. (The mice race again and people cheer)

Starsky: Go, go, come on, come on. Come on, you little squeaker. That’s it, go, go, go. (The mice approach the finishing line) Run, run, four legs. Go, go. You little mouse, go, go, go. Do it, do it, yeah. (The mice reach the finish)

Announcer: And the winner is The Cat’s Meow.

Starsky: Oh, dead last.

Hutch: Must have been a fix.

Huggy: Hey, Soon Henry was running true to form.

Starsky: Wait a minute. What kind of name is Soon Henry?

Huggy: Well, at the end of every race, the winner gets to eat the cheese. That way he carry’s more weight at the next race. And that’s how I fix - how I set the odds.

Hutch: Oh, that’s very scientific, Huggy.

Huggy: Yeah, well your mouse always runs in front and then he dies at the wire. And then he looks up at me with his sad eyes and he seems to be saying: “Huggy, when am I gonna win one” And I say-

Starsky: Soon, Henry. (Hutch moves to leave) Wait a second.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: I got it.

Hutch: Oh, no.

Starsky: Will you just hold on.

Hutch: No.

Starsky: Next time he runs, 5 on the nose. (Hands Huggy some money)

Huggy: That’s a sporting man. (They walk away)

Hutch: Why’d you do that?

Starsky: Soon Henry is a sprinter.

Hutch: Or a quitter.

Starsky: What are you talking about?

Hutch: Well, there’s one way to find out.

Starsky: How’s that? (Slams his hand on the door, keeping it closed)

Hutch: Find a very small jockey. (They walk through the door, into the hallway)

Starsky: Hey, where do you think he got those mice?

Hutch: Kentucky. (They enter a room)

Starsky: Kentucky?

Hutch: Yeah, you’ve heard of Blue Cheese Country haven’t you?

Starsky: Blue Cheese Country?

Hutch: Yeah, unless he got quarter mice the he got them…

Starsky: I know, Texas. Why don’t I ever learn? (They head up to the door they entered through, but it won’t open) What’s the matter? Stuck?

Hutch: Yeah.

(Outside, the guard locks the door, trapping Starsky and Hutch in the room)

Starsky: That’s strange. (Hutch tries the other door, but it’s locked) What? What?

Hutch: Stuck.

Starsky: Oh, you mean it’s locked.

Hutch: Locked. (Points at the other door. They squeeze pasted each other)

Starsky: Will you get out of the way. (They try two other doors, but they won’t open) Hey, wait a second. You thinking what I’m thinking?

Hutch: Yeah.

Starsky: Somebody locked us in this room.

Hutch: It’s an airtight room.

Starsky: What’re you talking about?

Hutch: Did you see the sign up on the wall? (Points to a sign that says “Caution: Airtight chamber)

Starsky: Oh, no.

Hutch: Yeah.

Starsky: Got any ideas what we’re gonna do about this?

Hutch: You got a pencil. (Starsky searches his pockets and hands Hutch a pencil. Hutch walks to one end of the room) Excuse me. Excuse me. (Starsky moves out of the way and Hutch walks to the other wall) Six by-

Starsky: Oh, I’m sorry.

Hutch: That’s twenty.

Starsky: Twenty. (Hutch walks across)

Hutch: That’s about ten

Starsky: Ten. (Hutch looks around and mutters) Wanna tell me why we’re not talking to each other.

Hutch: I’m working. Okay. (Sits down on a pipe) Now, if that’s 10 by-10 by 20 by 15 that’s 3000 cubic feet. Now, you’re about uh…150.

Starsky: No, 165.

Hutch: Will you stay out of this?

Starsky: Gee, sorry.

Hutch: 150 cubic centimetre lung size. Times two of us. Okay, let’s see what we’re got here. (Takes out his watch) We’ve got… (Starsky clicks his fingers) Figure about two breaths every 6 seconds. (Starsky starts piling up bits of metal on a trolley) About two breaths, six seconds that would be twenty breaths. So that would be twenty breaths and double that would be 40 for a minute. Okay, now I’ve got, I’ve got about 20 times, for him

Starsky Excuse me. (Takes the pipe Hutch’s sitting on and piles them up with the rest)

Hutch: He’s excited, so that’s four. 6 would be 40. Take away one cubic foot. (Hutch sits nearer the door.) that’s about 2700 cubic centimetres. 2700 cubic centimetres so that’s 3000, that’s about…

Starsky: Excuse me. (Takes the pipes Hutch’s sitting on)

Hutch: So that’s 75. Seventy-five. (Sits on the floor) About 7.5 litres per minute. That’s 400. (Starsky shifts Hutch’s legs so he’s got a clear run at the door) So figure, 60 times 75. Sixty is zero, five. That’s about 9000.

(Starsky chargers at the door pushing the trolley and manages to smash the door off its hinges and the impact sends him sprawling over the debris.)

Hutch: Well, as near as I could figure we’d have about 185 hours in there before we suffocated.

Starsky: Give me that pencil.

Hutch: Or was that 1850 (There’s an explosion sending Starsky into Hutch’s arms.)

Starsky: You get the feeling someone’s trying to kill us. (Hutch pushes him upright) Excuse me.

Hutch: You know something, Starsk.

Starsky: What?

Hutch: I don’t think that was an airtight room.

On the Streets: Night

(The Torino drives down the road)

Dispatch: Zebra Three see the man named Al Taft at the sports arena. He says he has information that is urgent.