Savage Sunday

transcribed by Sarah Spearey

The Streets: Day

(The Torino drives down the street with Starsky and Hutch inside. Hutch is looking at a paper)

Hutch: Confidence, Huey, confidence. He looks at him and says, “That’s just what you need” It’s pretty bad. Oh, come on Starsky.

Starsky: I just don’t believe its Sunday.

Hutch: Why? You don’t mean you’d rather be relaxing with a blonde lovely than chasing down vicious criminals and murderers?

Starsky: Yeah, something like that.

Hutch: Why don’t you convince Milty to restrict his drops to weekdays?

Starsky: Very funny.

Hutch: Hey, Starsky, better push it.

Starsky: Yeah. Hate to make Milty’s connection waiting.

(The Torino drives passed a café, where inside two men are sat at a table window. They watch a car pull up with an old couple inside.)

Wilbur: Oh, now, Looky here, looky here, that’s our baby.

Gregg: That old tub?

Wilbur: That old tub is like a thousand other old tubs. Who can identify it?

Gregg: Yeah, well, you see the sport’s car is more my style. But I get your point.

Wilbur: Well, let’s do it. You get the tip.

(Gregg puts money on the table. Outside the old couple exits the car while the two goons pay at the counter)

Wilbur: That’s good coffee. (Gregg turns on his radio and they exit the diner as the old couple enters) Hello folks, looks like it’s gonna be a nice day.

Gregg: You’re a gentleman and a scholar.

(The old couple takes a seat at an empty booth.)

Henry: You all right, Sarah?

Sarah: Fine, Henry, just fine.

Henry: I shouldn’t have let you come.

Sarah: Now, we’re in this together.

Henry: But, Sarah, there are 50 sticks of dynamite locked in that trunk. Even a good bounce could set it off.

(Outside Gregg and Wilbur are milling around the old couples car)

Sarah They couldn’t go off. You set the timer for 5:00 this afternoon.

Henry: Well, I’m not an expert. It could go off prematurely.

Sarah: Well, if it did, we’d be together.

(Wilbur and Gregg get into the car and start the engine)

Sarah: I still feel as if I should drive into the court house garage with you.

Henry: Absolutely not. You know it’ll just take a few minutes to park it and then when we have our coffee, we’ll call The Chronicle.

(They look out the window and watch as their car is driven away)

Sarah: Henry! Our car! Do something.

Henry: What can I do? Call the police?

Outside a liquor Store: Day

(Wilbur and Gregg park the car outside a liquor store, Gregg still listening to his radio)

Wilbur: Oh, man, would turn that thing off. You’re driving me crazy with that.

Gregg: You got something against music?

Wilbur: Ah, come on. (They get out of the car and enter the store where the owner is behind the counter) Hey, baby. Lemon pie. You’re favourite.

Gregg: No, man. I like brown doughnuts.

Owner: Can I help you, gentlemen?

Gregg: Yeah, maybe some wine.

Owner: Red or white. (Wilbur pulls out a gun.)

Wilbur: Green, like in money.

Owner: Hey, now wait a minute.

Wilbur: Shut up and open the register. (The phone rings)

Son: I’ll get it dad. (Gregg heads for the back)

Wilbur: Well, now, you just cool it. (A boy comes out to answer the phone, but Gregg hits him round the head with his gun)

Cut to:

(A small man running down a deserted back road. Starsky’s comes running after him)

Starsky: Milty! (He chases Milty down the road until they reach the end where Hutch is waiting)

Hutch: How you doing, Milty?

Milty: Just give me a few seconds.

Hutch: Dealing drugs on Sunday, shame on you.

Milty: I was just taking a walk.

Hutch: Spread them out. Spread them out. (Bends him over the Torino while Starsky catches his breath.)

Starsky: He was throwing the evidence all over.

Hutch: Well, you got it.

Starsky: Yeah.

Hutch: Good work, Starsky.

Milty: Watch out for my suit, man. It’s a new suit. (The radio is heard)

Starsky: Shut up, Milty.

Milty: What do you mean, shut up. I got… (Starsky covers his mouth)

Dispatch: Repeat, they are armed and dangerous. Escape car is a white, two door, 1963 Chevrolet, unknown license

Radio: 2814 Folsom. 909 on eighth avenue (The escape car is spotted driving up ahead by Starsky and Hutch.)

Starsky: Let’s get out of here. (Pushes Milty to the back seat)

Milty: Wait a minute, what are you guys doing?

Starsky: Come on, Milty.

Milty: I didn’t do nothing.

Starsky: Get in the car.

(Shoves him into the back seat and gets in behind the wheel. The escape car drives erratically down the streets. The Torino follows with the mars light on)

Milty: You guys didn’t even read me my rights.

Hutch: Not now, Milty

Starsky: Read him his rights.

Milty: Yeah, read me my rights.

Hutch: Ah, shut up. You have the right to remain silent.

Milty: I got w right to remain alive, you mean. Slow down, slow down. (They slide round a corner.)

Hutch: You have the right to speak with an attorney. Is that enough?

Milty: Hey, hey, 35 miles an hour, that’s the speed limit. 35, do you hear me?

Starsky: Do you make out the plates?

Hutch: No. Can’t you get any closer?

Starsky: What do you think I’m trying to do, lose him.

Hutch: Oh, very funny.

(The escape car goes round a corner and up a hill, the Torino does an 180 degree turn on the corner and goes up the hill. In the escape car, Wilbur laughs)

Gregg: Watch the truck! (They go around the truck)

Milty: Watch out for the truck Starsky. (The slide in front of the truck,)

Starsky: Get out of the way! (He turns the Torino around and continues down the road. They stop)

Hutch: Well, we lost them.

Starsky: Him too. (Points to Milty)

Hutch: Him too.

Ted’s Body and Fender: Day

(The escape car drives in and stops behind a man in overalls)

Gregg: Hey

Teddy: Hey. (They drive into the garage, Teddy follows them) Hey, hey.

Wilbur: Hey, Teddy.

Teddy: Where’d you get this car?

Gregg: Coffee Shop

Teddy: Where’d you get that bread? (Wilbur walks by with some money)

Gregg: The liquor store.

Teddy: And I work my tail off for 3 bucks an hour? Man, I wish I had the guts.

Gregg: Guts? (Pulls out his gun) What’s there to be scared of?

Teddy: Hey, man, the slammer. Just the thought of my going to the slammer gives me the screaming meemies.

Wilbur: Man, 210 lousy bucks.

Gregg: Oh, wow, that ain’t no bread at all.

Wilbur: Ain’t even enough to pay my bookie.

Gregg: So what we gonna do now?

Wilbur: We’re gonna do what we’re the best at. We’re gonna score again. Only this time, we’ll make sure it’s a big one.

Gregg: What’s big that’s open on a Sunday?

Wilbur: You just leave it to me I know a place.

Gregg: Yeah, but see, if we go out in that it’s gonna be smothered in blue uniforms before he hit the first stop sign.

Wilbur: Not if we paint it and change them license plates. Hey, Teddy, old buddy, you got some old license plates around?

Teddy: Yeah, I hauled a wreck in. Ohio plates.

Wilbur: Oh good. Tell you what I’ll do, I’ll give you 20 for the plates and I’ll give you 20 for the paint.

Teddy: Yeah, that sounds all right. What’s your favourite colour?

Gregg: Just like you, old buddy. Green

Wilbur: You something. (Laughs)

The Liquor Store: Day

(Hutch is outside talking to a man while a crowd stands behind him)

Hutch: You wanna tell me about what happened here?

Mr. Mills: Well, sure, sure, I was in the shop next door, you know, the gift shop.

Hutch: Yeah

Mr. Mills: Picking up a little something for my wife, you know. It’s our 15^th wedding anniversary.

Hutch: Congratulations.

Mr. Mills: Oh thank you, thank you very much, well, anyway I heard this…

(Inside Starsky is checking out the son who’s sat on the counter holding his head)

Son: What about my father?

Mr. Mills: Then I heard the crash of bottles…

Starsky: His eyes were wide open and clear as a bell, kiddie. Take it easy. He’s gonna be fine. Here you go. (He lets the son hold some gauze to his head and takes a chocolate thing) Now tell me…what did you see?

Son: Not much. Except the guy who hit me was big and black.

Mr. Mills: 6-2-1-C-I-

Hutch: You wanna hold on a minute.

Mr. Mills: Sure.

Hutch: Hey, Starsky. Come here. (Starsky leaves the shop at the same time the paramedics wheel out the owner on a stretcher) Excuse me officer. Starsky, this is Mr. Mills. Mr. Mills, Detective Starsky. (They shake hands)

Starsky: Pleasure to meet you.

Hutch: Mr. Mills here is a very observant man.

Mr. Mills: Well, I-I try to be. You see I was in the shop next door. The gift shop, picking up a little something for my wife. It’s our 15^th wedding anniversary. Well, anyway, I heard this backfire, you see. Then I heard a crash of bottles. Then I saw two men run from right there, jump into the car and the car was parked right in that spot. (Points to where the ambulance was just parked.)

Starsky: White Chevy.

Mr. Mills: A white Chevy, right.

Starsky: Don’t suppose you got the license number.

Hutch: Yeah, he sure did.

Starsky: Did you right it down?

Mr. Mills: No sir. I pride myself on my memory too. I already told Detective Hutchinson the number.

Starsky: So, what’s the problem?

Hutch: I haven’t got a pencil, Starsky. That’s why I asked you out here. You got a pencil? (He hands Hutch the rest of his chocolate thing and searches his pockets)

Starsky: No, I don’t have a pencil.

Mr. Mills: Oh, ah, Sir? Officers. I have a pencil.

Starsky: Thank you.

Mr. Mills: And.

Mills and Starsky: A piece of paper. (Hands over the paper)

Starsky: Thank you.

Mr. Mills: Now, that was 6-2-1

Starsky: 6-2-1

Mr. Mills: C-I-E.

Starsky: C-I-E.

Mr. Mills: Right. Very good.

Starsky: Here’s your pencil.

Mr. Mills: Thank you.

Starsky: Here’s you paper.

Mr. Mills: Thank you very much.

Hutch: That’s good work Starsk.

Eastside: Day

(A home for the aged as it says on the sign outside, a lady is playing a piano and an old man is walking around. Starsky and Hutch are waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Henry and Sarah walk down the stairs)

Henry: Did you gentlemen want to see us?

Starsky: Ah yes. This is Detective Hutchinson. My name’s Dave Starsky (She shows his badge)

Henry: Could we go in the sitting room and talk?

Starsky: Sure, sure. (They go into the sitting room. Sarah and Henry take a seat on the sofa. Starsky sits in an armchair and Hutch remains standing) Do you own a 1963 Chevrolet license plate 621 CIE? (Henry nods)

Hutch: And where do you keep you car parked?

Henry: Oh, in the parking space out back, right outside our window.

Starsky: Your car was used in a robbery over two hours ago. Didn’t you notice it was missing?

Sarah: Well, it wasn’t missing from here. It was stolen from the parking lot at the Quality Coffee Shop. We had to take the bus to get home.

Starsky: Could you tell us why you didn’t report this matter to the police?

Sarah: You’d better tell them Henry. We don’t want anyone to get hurt because of us.

Henry: Well, we weren’t anxious to report it to the police because (pause) Because there are 50 sticks of dynamite locked in the trunk and it’s set to go off at 5:00 this afternoon. (Hutch leaves the room)

Starsky: Why?

Henry: This place. This home is a rattrap. The plumbing only works once in a while, there’s a leak in the roof and the food, why talk about garbage.

Sarah: We’ve pleaded with the city for two years. They promised they’d do something, but they never did.

(Cut to Dobey in his office on the phone)

Dobey: They’ve got what?

Hutch: That’s right. Fifty sticks of dynamite set to go off at 5pm. That gives us about four hours.

Dobey: You stay there, I’m gonna put you on hold. (Presses a button) Put this on the air, top priority. That Chevy in the liquor store robbery, I want every available man hunting it. It’s set to blow up at 5pm.

Starsky: Yeah, but you can’t go around raising money for repairs that way. It’s against the law.

Hutch: We’re gonna have to take you folks in.

Sarah: We know.

Hutch: You wanna put the cuffs on them?

Starsky: You’re kidding.

Hutch: It’s regulation.

Starsky: You know that regulation, I don’t know that regulation. You put the cuffs on them.

Hutch: Folks, if you give me your word that you won’t try to escape, we won’t need the cuffs.

Sarah: We won’t try to escape officer. Where could we go?

Starsky: Yeah.

Dobey’s Office: Day

(Dobey’s at his desk, Starsky is standing, Hutch is sitting)

Dobey: Seems impossible. 500 men on the job and that Chevy hasn’t surfaced yet.

Hutch: Captain, it’s 1:37.

Dobey: What are you, the Town Crier or something?

Hutch: I’m just pointing out the time.

Dobey: I know what time it is.

Hutch: I think you oughta call the radio and television stations. Have them alert the public.

Dobey: And create panic? They’d be more people killed racing away from Chevy’s that have been mistaken for the death car than if that dynamite went off in the middle of down town.

Starsky: I think…

Dobey: Don’t. There’s still three and a half hours to think. A white 1963 Chevy. It’s gotta be somewhere.

Ted’s Body and Fender: Day

(Teddy’s just finished drying the car with the lights,)

Teddy: What do you think?

Wilbur: What do I think? Man, it’s beautiful.

Gregg: Teddy, you are faster than a speeding bullet.

Wilbur: Yeah, tell you babe, it was worth the thirty bucks.

Gregg: Let’s do it. (They get in the car)

Wilbur: See you later, Teddy.

Teddy: All right, Wilbur. Hey, Wilbur, don’t scratch the paint, now. (They start to drive off, the license plate has changed.)

The Pits: Day

(Huggy is behind the bar with a bar lady)

Huggy: Now, sugar, I believe in women’s lib which means you’re entitled to steal as much as any male bartender. But keep this in mind: There’s thievery and allowable thievery and I allows just a little thievery. And don’t forget: Don’t throw the money you’re ripping off in the bar sink, because it gums up the plumbing. (Starsky and Hutch enter) Hey, hey guys ain’t supposed to come in through the alley?

Starsky: Figured you wouldn’t mind.

Hutch: It being Sunday.

Huggy: Cops coming in through the front door give the place a bad name. What will my customers think?

Starsky: Got a minute, Hug?

Huggy: Starsky and Hutch. They ain’t on the take so no freebies. My new barmaid, Dianne Sills.

Hutch: Hello

Starsky: Hel-lo.

Dianne: Hi.

Huggy: Have a seat.

Starsky: Thank you. (They head to an empty booth)

Huggy: Okay, what’s happening?

Starsky: The usual. A little robbery, a couple of murders.

Huggy: Now, why should today be different than any other?

Hutch: Well, today’s a little different to the usual. The joker’s we’re after are driving around in a stolen car rigged with a bomb set to go off at 5pm. And they don’t know it.

Huggy: It’s 2:15. That gives you three hours to find them and tell them about it, right?

Starsky: That’s plenty of time if we knew where to look.

Hutch: Yeah, maybe not. If they hit one stone, one pebble in the street it could bounce that timing device up and…

Huggy: Then everybody would know about it right.

Starsky: See our problem Hug.

Huggy: Well, I dig your troubles. What else?

Starsky: Well, they hit a liquor store on Glenville and Third.

Huggy: Some bad dudes, huh? Let me make some calls and I’ll get back to you. (They leave)

An office building: Day

(Inside Wilbur forces a lady behind a cashiers desk at gun point while Gregg keeps his gun trained on a man at a desk)

Wilbur: All right, get in there darling. (Hands her a bag) Okay, fill it up. Hey, you sharks don’t miss a day, do you?

Gregg: All right, everybody just stay cool and nobody gets burned. Keep your hands up there where I can see them.

Wilbur: Come on, come on, come on. (A lady fills up the bag) Make out you’re late for a date with Robert Redford. Come on, come on, come on. (The manager comes out of the office) Get him.

(And goes back in. He grabs some files from his draw and Gregg fires at the door)

A Hot Dog place: Day

(Hutch is ordering food)

Starsky: Hey, Hutch.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: Don’t forget the chili.

Hutch: Um, it’s one plain and one with mustard and onions relish and sauerkraut and chili. (The radio beeps)

Dobey: Zebra three, zebra three, this is Dobey.

Starsky: Go ahead, Captain.

Dobey: Huggy Bear’s just called in here. Thinks there maybe a contact for you over at Jackson park.

Starsky: Gotcha, Captain. Hutch, we got something.

(Hutch pays for the food, but on his way to the car throws Starsky’s hot dog into the trash and gets in the car)

Hutch: Where to?

Starsky: Jackson High School.

Hutch: What you got?

Starsky: Huggy says we’ll find out when we get there. (Looks at Hutch’s hot dog) Where’s mine?

Hutch: I dumped it.

Starsky: You dumped it?

Hutch: You can’t eat while you’re driving. You’re dangerous.

Starsky: I’m also hungry. Next time you drive. (Drives away)

Jackson High School: Day

(Two guys in shorts are playing basketball on the court, one on one,)

Huey: Come on, man

Tony: All right. I’m gonna throw the rope-dope on you, man

Huey: Let’s go, go, go.

Tony: All right, all right, all right. Let’s go. (Starsky and Hutch approach)

Starsky: Okay.

Hutch: Okay, hey, hey, that was a beautiful shot.

Tony: What grade you in? (Tony and Huey continually pass the ball between them and over Starsky and Hutch)

Hutch: You wouldn’t believe it.

Starsky: We’re friends of a guy who says you can tell us something about some bad news that blew in from Denver last week.

Huey: Man, they don’t look like no friends to me, do they, Tony.

Tony: No, Huey, they look like the fuzz to me.

Huey: Yeah, Yeah

Starsky: Kids bright.

Hutch: You guys a little short to play basketball, aren’t you?

Tony: I can’t understand it, man. We eats our full ration of chitlins every day.

Hutch: Hey, listen, what we want to know is worth about 50 bucks to us.

Tony: Hear that, Huey. These dudes are high rollers man.

Starsky: Hey, maybe these two kids wanna gamble. Maybe you wanna play a little two man basketball. You win, we double the 50, and you don’t have to tell us nothing.

Hutch: And if we win, you tell us everything we want to know and we pay you zip. That’s worth a try isn’t it?

Tony: Hey, Huey, you hear that man. Now, let me get this straight. We win, you give us 100 bucks and we don’t have to tell you nothing.

Hutch: But if we win (Tony laughs)

Huey: Okay, okay, okay, how many points?

Tony: Right

Hutch: Ten points, Starsky?

Starsky: You got it.

Hutch: What is that? What is that? Two points a basket?

Tony: Yeah, man, ten points is five baskets. Hey, I’ll tell you want I’m gonna do. I’m gonna let you take it out first. (Throws the ball to Starsky and the game begins.)

Tony: You ready? You ready, now? Right. You ready?

(Starsky scores the first basket.)

Starsky: Two points.

Hutch: That’s what he said. You said two points a basket, right?

Tony: Right.

Starsky: Who takes it now, you or us?

Tony: Us.

Starsky: Okay (Huey takes the ball and bounces it to Tony between Starsky’s legs.)

Tony: Come on, let’s go.

Hutch: Who’s your man? (The game starts again, the boys try to get the ball past, but Starsky gets it.)

Starsky: Excuse me, excuse me. (Makes the basket.) That’s four points for the good guys. Four points for the good guys.

Tony: That’s all right, that’s all right. All right. Special. (They pass to each, but Starsky blocks with his butt. Hutch gets the ball and there’s a lot of passing back and forth before Hutch scores.)

Tony: Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Starsky: Hey, we do something wrong?

Tony: Huey, I think we’ve been hustled man.

Huey: Yeah, I know, by experts.

Tony: Hey, look here, y’all. You know that 50 you was talking about at the top.

Starsky: Yeah.

Tony: If we forfeit the game right now, will you make it 20.

Starsky: Well, like we were saying, we’re friends of a guy who says you can tell us about two guys that came in last week from Denver. Salt and pepper combo.

Huey: Salt and pepper combo?

Starsky: Yeah.

Tony: You talking about the liquor store holdup today, huh?

Hutch: Yeah

Tony: We heard those guys hang out at a bookie joint we know about.

Huey: Yeah

Tony: The black dudes name is Gregg something or other.

Huey: Yeah and the other guy’s Wilbur Sloan

Hutch: Sloan, huh? Where’s the bookie joint?

Tony: Monty’s bar.

Huey: It’s in the back. On fifth street.

Monty’s bar: Day

(The Torino parks out front and the boys enter. Inside the bar, a big black man stands at a pinball machine.)

Starsky: I got the back.

Hutch: Okay. (To the bartender) May I have a beer please?

Big dude: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, it’s private back there man.

Starsky: Hey, not to me, man, I got a bundle. I wanna bet it on something special

Big Dude: Who sent you?

Starsky: Jackson, yeah, that’s his name, Jackson.

Big Dude: Nobody’s home by that name, man. You’d better take off.

Starsky: Oh hey, come on man.

Big Dude: Take off!

Starsky: What’s the password? Two words? What? Hey (Elbows the guy in the stomach. Another man comes alone, but Hutch hits him in the stomach while Starsky finishes off the other guy. Hutch pins his attacker against the wall)

Hutch: Okay, turkey, you tell them you got two high rollers out here. Now what’s the word? (He taps on the walls. Hutch throws him against the bar. They go to the back door; Hutch knocks and Starsky kicks it in.) All right, that’s it!

Starsky: Take it easy, just take it easy. Everybody easy.

Hutch: (Shows his badge) There’s nothing to worry about unless you’re doing something illegal. (A guy turns off the radio)

Starsky: Don’t turn it off, punk. How will we know who won.

Hutch: Out

Starsky: Okay, out. Go ahead, come on. Come on, take your drink with you.

Hutch: Out. Don’t worry, buddy. Come back later for your payoff.

Starsky: Another day, another dollar, huh?

Hutch: Out, out, out. You stay! (Points to two guys at the front of the room)

Marty: You gonna be here later for the payoff?

Starsky: (Can’t understand)

Marty: Look we’re a small operation. We can afford maybe 500 a week. Right, Ed?

Ed: Take it easy, Marty.

Hutch: There’s no percentage in taking it easy. I’m still listening.

Ed: Well, in that case maybe we can sweeten the pot. Say, 700?

Starsky: We got a black guy called Gregg something and his pall Wilbur Sloan.

Marty: We never heard of them.

Starsky: We know you handle their action.

Ed: Them. Sure, they were in here maybe a couple of hours ago to make a payoff. They’re good Joes. Never welshed on a bet yet.

Hutch: They’ve got integrity Starsky.

Starsky: Yeah, nice to know we’re looking for a class act.

Marty: Okay, if you’re gonna bust us, bust us!

Ed: Take it easy, Marty. Who said anything about a bust? Right fellas?

Hutch: Right.

Starsky: No, we want you to stay visible. Friends call in a bet, you give us a call. Number’s on the card. (Hands Ed a card)

Hutch: Now, you help us collar them, and we might forget about this address.

Ed: Yeah?

Starsky: Yeah.

Ed: Well, in that case, I guess I should tell you. There’s this go-go dancer, Sally Ann. She used to be married to the Sloan guy. She works the Princess Discothèque near Washburn.

Starsky: Ed, I predict a bright future for you.

Hutch: Would this joint be open now?

Ed: Day and night. Every night of the week. (Starsky and Hutch leave through a mended door)

Marty: Ed, we got no future if those two find out we gave out information.

Ed: Come on, we had no choice.

Marty: Oh, we got a choice. The vigorish. We play both ends like usual, huh? (Makes a phone call to Teddy’s garage.)

Teddy: Ted’s body and fender. Yeah, I might be able to reach them. What’s the message?

Marty: Look, tell them that two cops are looking for them. Real hard. And tell Wilbur they’re visiting his ex right now.

Teddy: All right. (Hangs up, pauses and makes another call)

Princess Discotheque: Day

(Sally Ann is dancing on the stage, the place is pretty full. Starsky and Hutch are at the bar watching the show.)

Hutch: I know what you’re thinking. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.

(Sally Ann finishes her set to a round of applause and heads over to Starsky and Hutch)

Sally Ann: Okay. You wanna talk.

Starsky: Sure. As soon as I can hear again.

Sally Ann: Well, our customers prefer volume to quality. Listen I have to go back on again in a couple of minutes so if you wanna talk (shrugs) talk. Okay.

Hutch: Tell us about Wilbur.

Sally Ann: Wilbur.

(Outside Wilbur and Gregg are busting the Torino’s tires.

Sally Ann: And then I was married to that weirdo, Wilbur for two months and can you believe I see him more now than when we were living together.

Hutch: When was the last time you saw him?

Sally Ann: Last night, oh, about 7:00 I guess. I mean to put it all out front the marriage broke up because there was hardly ever a sex scene. Not that Wilbur couldn’t get it together, if you know what I mean, It’s like, he goes for gambling, you know the horses, basketball, football. You know, a real sports freak. I every performance I turn on maybe 50 dudes doing my act in this public joint. But in my bedroom, in the privacy of my own home I’d do it for Wilbur, only for real and Wilbur would turn on. He would turn on the baseball games. He’d turn on the football games, he’d turn on the tennis. It was weird, huh. I was starting to get an inferiority complex. I went to the shrink and he let me know, using the Socratic Method of course that it was Wilbur’s problem and not mine and that I’d better unload him before he ruined my career.

Hutch: What about this other guy.

Sally Ann: Yeah, the other cultural giant. Gregg Morton. He is a rock freak. I mean, he can never get enough of this music.

Starsky: Do you know where we can find these two guys?

Sally Ann: Well, if they ain’t at the bookie joint and they ain’t here they’re usually over at my cousin Ted’s body shop. Me and my cousin Ted came out here from Denver about oh six months ago. Oh, just a minute I’m on again, I got to go powder my nose. Bye-bye. (Walks over)

Starsky: Bye-bye. (She turns and waves)

Sally Ann: Bye-bye

Starsky: So, she wouldn’t talk, huh?

Hutch: It’s a good thing we didn’t ask her anything personal.

(They leave out the back where the Torino is parked in the alley.)

Starsky: What do you mean, my type? Jesus… (Wilbur and Gregg are by car with their guns pointed at the boys)

Gregg: Hey, you pigs looking for us.

Starsky: Let’s talk.

Wilbur: Nothing to talk about, it’s the end of the line. (Starsky and Hutch jump for cover behind some boxes. Both sides shoot, as Gregg and Wilbur run off down the alley. Starsky and Hutch pursue, but they hear the screeching of wheels and run back to the Torino and get in. They don’t get far as the front tires fall off. They both get out, slamming the doors. Hutch picks up the blown tire. He throws it at Starsky who throws it away)

Dobey’s Office: Day

(Dobey’s on the phone to Starsky and Hutch)

Dobey: You blew it. You had them cold, but you blew it. In the meantime it’s 2:45. Those guys are doing a wheelie around town in a bomb set to go off in a couple of hours.

(Hutch is on the mic, while a man changes the tires)

Hutch: Now wait a minute, Captain, it’s not all bad news. We know who they are. The Caucasian is Wilbur Sloan. And the black is Gregg Morton. We can run a make on them out of Denver.

Dobey: Well, why didn’t you say so. Now look, I want you to hold that line open. Report in every 10 minutes.

Hutch: Come in, Captain Dobey, I’ve lost you.

Dobey: I can hear you, damn it, I said I want you to report in every 10 minutes.

Hutch: Zebra Three to Dobey. I’ve lost you.

Dobey: Hutch! Starsky!

Starsky: Two nylon-lined, steel-belted, double-layered, 60 bucks tires.

Dobey: Starsky! Hutch!

Starsky: I’ll kill those…

The Squad Room: Day

(Dobey comes out of his office and goes over to Sarah and Henry who are sat at a desk looking at a mug book)

Dobey: Well, you can go home now, folks.

Henry: But we can’t.

Dobey: Oh yes you can. Your lawyer got you released two hours ago. You’re out on bail.

Sarah: We can’t leave now, not til we identify these men.

Dobey: They’ve been identified. Detectives Starsky and Hutchinson have identified them. You can leave now.

Henry: Well, come on then Sarah,

Sarah: Well, we really oughtn’t to Henny. Not until they’ve been apprehended and we know that no one’s been injured.

Henry: (Steers her towards the door) Now, The Detectives Starsky and Hutchinson have identified the car thieves. I’m sure they’ll be in custody very soon. I have a great deal of confidence in those two young men. Don’t you think a lot of them, Captain?

Dobey: Yes, Mr. Wilson, I think of them a lot.

Ted’s Body and Fender: Day

(Hutch is inspecting marks on the ground while Starsky talks to Teddy)

Starsky: They usually check in here every day.

Teddy: I don’t know.

Starsky: I mean, that’s a habit with them, isn’t it?

Teddy: Man, I don’t know nothing about their habits, man. Sometimes they’re around and sometimes they’re not.

Hutch: Starsky

Starsky: What?

Hutch: Come here.

Teddy: I mean, I’m not trying to…

Starsky: Just don’t go away Ted.

Teddy: No

Starsky: Good boy. (Hutch shows him something wet on his fingers) You want to come here for a second Ted. Come on. Now, you wanna tell us something about that white Chevy that was standing right here that’s not white anymore. (Pause) Look Ted.

Teddy: Yeah?

Starsky: Now we’re gonna lay it out for you just one time. Then I want you to start talking. I don’t want you to stop until you’ve told us everything you know.

Hutch: That Chevy is a bomb. It’s set to go off in a couple of hours. Your buddies will get it and a lot of other people.

Starsky: And when that happens you’re gonna be up for murder.

Teddy: Who me?

Starsky: Uh ha.

Teddy: I didn’t do nothing.

Starsky: And you’re gonna be up for it all by yourself because little old Gregg and little old Wilbur are gonna be blow sky high.

Teddy: Green, man. They painted it green.

Hutch: Plates?

Teddy: Ohio plates. They’re out of State, man.

Starsky: Number.

Teddy: I don’t know the number man. (Starsky and Hutch run for the car) All I know is that they were Ohio plates and I didn’t do nothing either man. They held a gun on me and they said they’d kill me if I told anybody. They took the paint and the plates. (The Torino drives off.) Cops, man. They’re weird.

The Squad Room: Day

(The clock show its 3:30. Dobey is pacing and eating)

Dobey: No, I’m not gonna play it like that.

Hutch: Time is running out Captain. If we appeal to the public through radio and television we’ve got a chance.

Dobey: We’ve got plenty of time now that we know what colour the car is and it’s carrying Ohio plates. How many two-Chevys you know painted green and carrying Ohio license plates?

Starsky: One, but suppose it doesn’t surface.

Dobey: It better. With 500 men on the alert.

Hutch: A little radio and television coverage never hurt.

Dobey: Okay. We better put it on the air.

Hutch: Now, that makes sense (Picks up the phone)

Dobey: What doesn’t make sense is the way you guys are handing in your daily reports.

Hutch: Local wire surface please.

Dobey: Once every seven days is not daily. If the department wants you to hand them in every seven days they’d be called weekly reports, wouldn’t they?

Hutch: Uh, yes sir.

Dobey: Well, wouldn’t they?

Starsky: Yes, Captain.

Hutch: Hold on for Captain Dobey, please. (Starsky eyes up Dobey’s food on a desk)

Starsky: Miss your lunch Captain?

Dobey: Yeah.

Starsky: Well, due to certain circumstances I missed mine. I don’t suppose you could spare that extra hamburger.

Dobey: Hey, look, you get paid just like I do. Buy your own.

Starsky: Thanks, Captain. I see what you mean.

Dobey: And another thing. I want those reports handed in daily, neatly typed, in triplicate.

Hutch: Captain, line two.

Starsky: (Hands him the phone) Captain.

Dobey: And don’t you ever pull any of that phony. Radio interference jazz on me. You cut off communications with the department nothing’s gonna happen. (Starsky steals his hamburger without Dobey seeing)

Starsky: Thanks, Captain. (Leaves with Hutch)

Dobey: (Into the phone) Dobey here. Yeah. I wanna put it on the air every five minutes. Green Chevy, sixty three, two doors. (Hangs up and notices his missing burger) Starsky! Starsky! Damn.

Parking Lot: Day

(The green Chevy drives into an underground parking lot and pays the attendant,)

Attendant: It’s my duty, sir, to call your attention to that dent in your fender. We cannot be responsible for any…

Wilbur: Yeah, yeah, yeah sure. Hey, Gregg, would you turn that thing off.

Gregg: What?

Wilbur: I said turn it off, man. You’re gonna hear them in a few minutes.

Gregg: Oh wow, the world sure is full of killjoys.

(The car looks for a spot to park, while the attendants listen to a message on the radio while serving a man coming out)

Attendant: That’ll be a dollar and a half.

Radio: This important announcement just came over the newswire. The police department is looking for a green Chevrolet, 1973 with Ohio license plates. (Dobey, Starsky and Hutch are listening in Dobey’s office) The men in the car are Wilbur Sloan and Gregg Morton. If you hear my voice Wilbur and Gregg abandon the car in a deserted area and telephone the location to this station. Anybody else who sees this car immediately telephone the police department.

Fifteen year old boy Moss Bradley O’Riley has been seriously injured…

Dobey: Well, get on out of here and look for that car.

Radio: …his family’s house. He was taken to…(Turns off the radio and Starsky and Hutch leave)

The Parking Lot: Day

(The green Chevy is parked in the parking lot and the attendant is still listening to the radio and serving drivers)

Radio: …almost took the life of Roger Dome. Again, an important announcement from the police department on the newswire. If anyone sees a green Chevy with Ohio license plates please call the police emergency switchboard at 555-6673immedicatly. Now the local weather. (The attendant makes a call) Sunny and hot today and tomorrow. Highs today.

The Streets: Day

(The Torino gets a call over the dispatch radio)

Dispatch: All units, green Chevrolet with Ohio license reported. Music pavilion underground parking area. Zebra Three, see attendant, market street entrance.

Hutch: Got it. (The Torino makes a U turn)

Starsky: How much time we got?

Hutch: It’s 12 minutes to 5. (They speed with the siren blaring. They arrive at the place where a motorcycle policeman is waiting and directs him inside. The speed past the attendant and follow a motorcycle cop who helps them search for the car. They find it)

Starsky: That’s it. Hot wire.

Hutch: I got the trunk. (They get out. Starsky goes for the drivers seat and tries to hot wire the car.)

Starsky: Come on. (Hutch forces the trunk open with a signpost.) Come on. (The car starts) Get me into the open somewhere!

Motor cop: Less than two minutes.

Hutch: Get him the hell out of here!

(The cop drives off with Starsky behind. Hutch looks at his watch and stays behind in the Torino. The motor cop leads Starsky out of the parking lot, but the attendant gets in the way and Starsky drives right through the attendant’s box. The cop and Starsky continue through the streets)

Starsky: Come on, baby. Come on. Be fast, you lousy watch. Be fast just this one time. (The cop finds a deserted area, Starsky gives the car down through the grass, jumps out and hides in the bushes. The car stops near some construction equipment. Starsky waits. The car blows up and he takes off)

The Parking Lot: Day

(Gregg and Wilbur come off an elevator)

Gregg: Hey man I don’t like walking out before the show is over. It’s ain’t professional.

Wilbur: On come on, man, you know I got 500 bet on the Lakers.

Gregg: But it’s the middle of the show. (Hutch is hiding round a corner)

Wilbur: At least I can hear the end of the game on the radio. Hey, listen, listen, you like that noise so much, you stay.

Gregg: Yeah, and take a bus home, right?

Hutch: Wilbur, hold it! (Gun aimed. Gregg and Wilbur go for their guns, they both fire and Gregg is hit. Wilbur runs off through a small crowd. Hutch follows)

Hutch: You folks get back in the elevator and stay there.

(Wilbur hides behind the cars and fires, Hutch is behind him, taking cover behind the support beams. He follows Wilbur through the cars, returning fire. Hutch rolls and waits between two cars, but he’s out of bullets. As he reloads Starsky returns on the back of the motorcycle with the cop. Wilbur sees them come and does see Hutch come out and shoots him in the shoulder. Starsky and hutch approach)

Hutch: Don’t stand there with your mouth open. Cuff him. (Starsky puts the cuffs on) Hey Wilbur, this is your lucky day. The Lakers won.

Eastside Home: Day

(Starsky, Hutch, Huggy, a councilman and the occupants of the home are sat around the dinner table)

Starsky: And Councilman Brown has agreed to have lunch with us. (Applause)

Hutch: Councilman Brown feels that conditions are oftentimes exaggerated, so he’s come to see for himself.

Starsky: And to aid in his survey we have arranged for the proprietor of Huggy Bear’s restaurant and noted food expert, to join us. (Applause) Well, dig in councilman. The usual Tuesday lunch. (He takes a bite of whatever’s on the plate and it’s obvious he doesn’t like it.)

Hutch: It’s pretty good, huh?

Brown: Not bad.

Huggy: Councilman, as an expert, it is my considered opinion that whoever refers to this as ‘food’ is in error.

Brown: Well, I have no doubt it’s nutritious.

Starsky: Have some more then councilman. (Dishes some more up)

Huggy: Nutritious? Food should have an aroma, not an odour. Food should caress the palate, not grab the throat, councilman.

Hutch: We’ve explained to these good people that you’re a concerned public official.

Brown: Yes, I see your point. But I think that I’m running late, so I will relate my experience to the council. Now, if you’ll forgive me. (Stands up as does Hutch) How long have they been eating this garbage?

Hutch: Years.

Brown: I don’t know what I can do about the rats or the leak in the roof, but I will promise you this: There’ll be a new food budget tomorrow. (Applause and he leaves)

Hutch: Well, then, for those of you who like Chinese food we have here…

Starsky: Boy, do we have here.

Hutch: …barbequed ribs and chow mein.

Huggy: And for those who want American, we have hamburgers, hot dogs and for the discriminating, soul food.

Sarah: I’m not hungry.

Starsky: Me, I prefer tacos and enchiladas.

Henry: What kind of food do they serve in the slammer, Detective Starsky?

Starsky: I tell you, the two of you ain’t going into the slammer. Now, Hutch and I have heard that the two of you are on probation. But if we ever, ever hear the two of you collecting dynamite again…

Henry: Never.

Sarah: I think my appetites come back. Pass the chow mein please…oh, on the other hand I think I’ll have some black-eyed peas and some hamhocks.

(Huggy gives the okay sign, Starsky smiles and Hutch just shakes his head)

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