transcript by Sarah Spearey
Interrogation Room: Night
(Starsky and Hutch are interrogating a man in a white robe, dress thing. Hutch is sitting, while StarskyÕs pacing)
Harry: As I said before a man is safe in the shadow of the flower of the Himalayas. The light of Asian shines in my inner being.
Starsky: Yeah, well, your inner being better stand by because if you come up with a couple more answers like that youÕre not gonna safe under the shadow of a sequoia tree.
Harry: I am the Maharaja Jehru.
Starsky: YouÕre Harry Sample, thatÕs the name of the rap sheet.
Harry: Perhaps, in a different life. (Starsky screws up the rap sheet)
Hutch: Now, Harry, youÕre irritating Detective Starsky here. I wouldnÕt do that if I was you. (Starsky grabs Harry)
Starsky: ThereÕs a 19-year-old girl in the hospital, sheÕs in a coma.
Hutch: Hey, hey. (Hutch tries to pry them apart)
Starsky: You did it to her and IÕm not gonna let up until you admit it.
Hutch: Let go. (Throws Hutch against the wall)
Starsky: You stay out of this. Stay out of this. (Starsky picks up a chair)
Hutch: Not the chair, Starsk, not the chair. (The throws it on the floor and storms out. Thunder rumbles outside. Hutch leaves the room, rubbing his neck. StarskyÕs stood at the candy machine holding some candy)
Starsky: That creepÕs holding firm.
Hutch: I donÕt think so; I think youÕre starting to get to him. (Takes the candy) You know, you get pretty scary when youÕre mad.
Starsky: Yeah?
Hutch: Almost broke my back in there.
Starsky: Yeah, must be all those Bella Lugoosi movies I saw when I was a kid.
Hutch: Starsk, itÕs Bella Lugosi.
Starsky: Well, Lugoosi, Lugosi, just hope he cracks soon. IÕm starved. (Takes another pack from the machine)
Hutch: You might not be so hungry if you eat the right food.
Starsky: Oh well, maybe itÕs all that organic Japanese seaweed I had for lunch.
Hutch: CouldÕve been the can of sardines you had for breakfast.
Starsky: Hey, isnÕt it about time you went back in there.
Hutch: Yeah, (Gives Starsky his candy back, now he has two)
Starsky: Hey, what about tonight?
Hutch: Why donÕt we come back to my place and scramble up some eggs.
Starsky: Hey, dinner not breakfast, what about some Italian food?
Hutch: No, I wanna go home, itÕs liable to rain.
Starsky: Hey, I know a great Italian restaurant, down by the docks, you know. Fantastic, itÕs run by an old family-
(Hutch is back at the interrogation door. He goes back in and picks up the remains of the chair and sets it up in the corner. He picks up the other intact chair and sits opposite to Harry at the table)
Hutch: You can smoke if you want Harry.
Harry: It is against the teachings.
Hutch: You know your rights. You can have a lawyer.
Harry: But I-I am not guilty.
Hutch: You know, Harry, I really hate to see this kind of thing happen You know the last time that my partner got riled like that they almost threw him off the force and they would have too, but at the last moment the guy managed to pull through.
Harry: Yes, but I-I am innocent.
Hutch: Oh, Harry, weÕve got you cold turkey. Let me explain something about my partner. You see heÕs gonna come back in here and heÕll be very calm. HeÕll apologize, smile. And then heÕs gonna ask me to go get a cup of coffee for him. Now, we knows that the cafeteria in this place is in the basement. ItÕs gonna take me five or six minutes to get down there and get back up here with the coffee. Now, thatÕs a long time to be in the same room with a man whoÕs as angry as he is. You understand what IÕm talking about?
Harry: I-I am sustained by the faith of the white snows of India.
Hutch: Well, I sure hope so. (Starsky enters with a smile)
Starsky: Well, Harry, it seems I got a little excited. (Picks up the back rest of the chair he broke, it comes loose) Hope I didnÕt tangle your chains, huh? Let me tell you something, Harry. Hutch and I donÕt have anything to do tonight. And if itÕs important to you we are willing to take all night, right? Oh, you got a date tonight, donÕt you?
Hutch: Yeah, whatever you wanna do.
Starsky: See. Hey, how about a cup of coffee? ItÕs your turn. ItÕs his turn.
Hutch: You really want a cup of coffee?
Starsky: Yeah, donÕt you want a cup of coffee, Harry? (They wait for Harry to say something, but he doesnÕt so Hutch gets up and goes for the door)
Harry: Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. YouÕre not gonna leave me alone with this guy, are you?
Hutch: Well, thatÕs up to you, Harry.
Starsky: Hey, whatÕs the matter? You donÕt like coffee?
Harry: All right. All right, man. But you gotta believe me. I mean, I was stoned out of my head, I donÕt know what I was doing. All right. You guys, you gotta understand. I mean, she came right for me. I didnÕt know what I was doing.
Starsky: Yeah, okay. (Sits on HutchÕs chair)
Harry: IÕm not kidding you, man. You gotta believe me. I swear to you I didnÕt know what I was doing. (Hutch picks up the phone) This chick just came to me.
This is Detective Hutchinson, in interrogation room 7. Can you send a stenographer up here? WeÕll have a statement from Mr. Harry Sample. (Hangs up)
A Hotel: Night
(Two men are in a hotel room, the older picks up a book, while the younger one is listening to a ball game)
Commentator: Thompson to setbacks, handoff to Reiter, big hole across the 30-
Joey: ThatÕs it. Do it, do it, do it, do it.
Commentator: Run out of bounds at the 32.
Joey: All right.
Commentator: And thereÕs the gun ending the first half with the score: Bulls 24, Stags 17.
Joey: Halftime. (Turns off the radio) Boy this is some great game, huh?
Lockly: Outcome still in doubt?
Joey: No, I told you, this game was taped last week. The Bulls they were-
Lockly: Oh.
Joey: You got me, huh? WhatÕs the matter, Mr. Smart Man, huh? Mr. Intellectual. AinÕt you ever read one of those books of yours more than once?
Lockly: TouchŽ, Joey. TouchŽ. (Joey starts pacing clearly agitated.)
Joey: I just wish that damn phone would ring.
Lockly: It will ring.
Joey: Yeah, well, itÕs been three days already, man. Three days. IÕm not even supposed to be in this State, man. I got warrants out on me.
Lockly: Just do what youÕre told and youÕll have nothing to worry about.
Joey: IÕm gonna tell you something else, you know. I mean, I think this whole idea of you wanting to hit Monte in a restaurantÕs a little whacko.
Lockly: ItÕs the only place Monte goes without his soldiers. Consequently Joey, itÕs the only place we can get a good shot at him. So, why donÕt you go back to your halftime festivities, Joey. You wouldnÕt want to miss your boom-boom girls and your marching bands.
Joey: Oh, yeah, well, itÕs a lot better than reading that garbage that you read. (He lies down on his bed. The phone rings.) Answer it. Answer it. (Lockly answers it)
Lockly: Yes?
Theresa: This is Theresa Du Fusto.
Lockly: Yes, Theresa?
Theresa: Mr. Monte will be here at midnight.
Lockly: Are you absolutely sure of the time?
Theresa: Yes, I took the call myself. HeÕll be here at 12:00 sharp.
Lockly: Well, then, in that case, I want a reservation for two. (They both hang up) Here we go, Joey. (The clock says 5:55)
GiovanniÕs Restaurant: 11:00pm
(Theresa is behind the bar pulling a drink for her boyfriend, whoÕs sat at the bar)
Theresa: Anything else you want?
Jimmy: You know what I want.
Theresa: Not tonight, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Listen, hon, youÕre gonna break this little old linebackerÕs heart with talk like that.
Theresa: Well, maybe you better call the next time you come all the way out here. Please, Jimmy. Go home.
Jimmy: Theresa, youÕve been on me every minute since I came it. Hey, now, if itÕs something that IÕve done.
Theresa: Oh no, itÕs nothing youÕve done. I just have problems and theyÕre personal. (Lockly and Joey enter, hang up their wet coats and amble over to a table.)
Jimmy: You know them?
Theresa: Uh, no. Jimmy, please leave. I wanna close early tonight.
Jimmy: But the old manÕs still in the kitchen, cooking.
Theresa: HeÕs making a special order for a special customer. Jimmy, IÕll quit early tomorrow night and weÕll go to a movie. I wanna to be alone tonight.
Lockly: How about a little service here, Miss.
Theresa: Right away. (She heads over to the table)
Lockly: IÕm Tom Lockly, you must be Theresa. This is my pal. I trust thereÕs no change in the schedule.
Theresa: No, heÕll be here at midnight.
Lockly: Good. Then I think we have time for a nice dinner. (Starsky and Hutch enter.)
Starsky: You are gonna love this place. I mean, I want you to look at the atmosphere, huh? You ever see anything so old.
Hutch: Think we can find a table.
Starsky: HereÕs a table right here. Come on, come on. Come on.
Theresa: Excuse me.
Lockly: Surely. (JoeyÕs hiding his face) Now, whatÕs bothering you? Is something-something bothering you?
Joey: Those two geeks that just walked in the door are cops.
Lockly: Are you sure?
Joey: What do you mean, am I sure? I told you I got warrants out on me.
Theresa: (To Starsky and Hutch) itÕs almost closing time, we really donÕt have much left.
Starsky: Well, whatever you got, I bet itÕs good, even if itÕs not on our menu.
Hutch: YouÕll have to excuse me friend here. What would you recommend?
Theresa: Veal piccata, linguini with clams.
Hutch: IÕll have the veal.
Starsky: IÕll have the linguini with the clams.
Hutch: All right, veal and linguini. Do you want some wine with it?
Hutch: Vino de casa.
Theresa: Vino de casa, okay. (She goes into the kitchen)
Starsky: WhatÕs Vino de casa?
Hutch: They make it themselves.
Starsky: What?
Hutch: Wine, house wine.
Starsky: Oh, hey. Hey, I told you youÕd like this place. You know what it reminds me of?
Hutch: Yeah, the restaurant your grandmother used to like over when you were a kid.
Starsky: HowÕd you know that?
Hutch: Starsky, every time we walk into an Italian Restaurant it reminds you of the restaurant your grandmother lived over when you were a kid.
Starsky: Yeah, I guess it does. (Looks around)
Hutch: I think itÕs over there.
Starsky: What?
Hutch: The john.
Starsky: Anybody ever tell you youÕre a regular shaft to sunlight. (They both stand up) Where are you going?
Hutch: Play some music.
Starsky: Oh. (Digs into his pocket)
Hutch: ThatÕs all right, itÕs free.
Starsky: Oh. (Clicks his fingers and heads to the john)
Joey: ThatÕs it, thatÕs it. TheyÕve made us. Come on.
Lockly: Take it easy. Cover that one. (Points to the bathroom. They both stand up and move away from the table. Joey sits at a table facing the bathroom. Lockly sneaks up behind Hutch.) DonÕt move. I have a gun in your back. Now, put both hands on top of the machine. Both hands on top of the machine. (Hutch does as heÕs told) ThatÕs right. (Slips his hand into Hutch breast pocket) Just keep both hands and donÕt make any moves. (Takes his gun) Now, letÕs take a walk. LetÕs go to the menÕs room. Turn around. Turn around.
(They walk slowly across the room. Starsky comes out of the bathroom and sees Lockly with a gun on Hutch. Theresa comes out of the kitchen with food, but Starsky pushes her back in and goes for his gun. Lockly pushes Hutch down and Joey shoots Starsky. He crashes into a tray and falls to the ground. At that moment a man and a woman enters)
Sammy: Hey, hey, hey, this must be the place. (He sees Lockly with two guns and Starsky on the floor)
Lockly: YouÕre not gonna make it, friend.
Sammy: Just wanted a drink. We didnÕt want any trouble.
Lockly: Just do what youÕre told and maybe nobody else will have to be hurt. (Starsky groans on the floor. Joey goes over to Starsky and takes his gun. Theresa approaches Lockly)
Theresa: They said only Monte would be shot. Only Monte.
Lockly: CouldnÕt be helped. Now remember, you have to think of your mother. (Hutch stands) Stay where you are.
Hutch: I donÕt care what your business is here tonight. IÕm going over to my partner.
Lockly: All right, go ahead. Go ahead. (Hutch is about to move, when Joey aims is gun)
Joey: Ah. I say we waste him.
Hutch: If youÕre gonna blow me away you better do it now. (Joey just smiles)
Lockly: Joey, the man in the kitchen, he must have heard the shots. See if he ran away. Joey. The kitchen. (Joey goes to the kitchen and Hutch goes to Starsky)
Hutch: Hey, buddy, hey buddy.
Starsky: Hutch?
Hutch: IÕm right here.
Starsky: Hutch? (Hutch gentle picks up his head and sees a bloody crease.)
Hutch: ItÕs okay, buddy. IÕm right here.
Starsky: Hey, Hutch. (Hutch grabs a table cloth and tucks it under StarskyÕs head) Hey, we really goofed, huh. (Hutch sees blood on his fingers and jumps over Starsky to check his back) Did you-did you get the bad guys? (Coughs)
Hutch: More like they got us. (He grabs a knife from a draw) Take it easy. Take it easy, now. (Cuts away the fabric)
Starsky: How do I look? (Hutch looks stunned) How do I look?
Hutch: W-Well, one of them bounced of that thick skull of yours. (He grabs another table cloth) The other one found your shoulder. (Tucks it into the gap and hold it there)
Starsky: The shoulder?
Hutch: Yeah.
Starsky: Is that all.
Hutch: ThatÕs all. (Leans closer to his ear) DonÕt go away, huh?
Starsky: What, now that I finally got a waitress? (Joey comes out of the kitchen)
Joey: I locked the old man in the cellar. He ainÕt gonna go nowhere.
Hutch: Hey, I gotta get him to a hospital.
Lockly: You said it yourself itÕs only a shoulder wound.
Hutch: Look, I donÕt know who you are and I donÕt know why youÕre here and right now I really donÕt care. What I do know is that my buddy here has got a bullet in the back. And unless I get some help for him now, youÕre gonna have a dead cop on your hands, do you understand?
Joey: Yeah, hey, uh, hey, maybe heÕs right. Maybe we oughta get out of here while he can.
Lockly: ItÕs too late to back out now, Joey. (Starsky starts jerking)
Hutch: Easy.
Lockly: Is there any place we can put him?
Theresa: ThereÕs an office back there. It has a couch in it.
Lockly: Now, take your partner into the office. Joey, if thereÕs a back entrance, take care of it and if thereÕs a phone, pull it out. Go.
Hutch: Come on, Buddy.
Starsky: Where are you going?
Hutch: IÕm gonna take you someplace where youÕre gonna be comfortable. Come on.
Starsky: Sounds nice. (Hutch puts Starsky arm around his neck)
Hutch: Come on. (In the back room Joey pulls the phone out of the wall and dumps it on the table. In the restaurant Hutch manages to pick Starsky up into his arms.) Get me some clean towels, tablecloths, water. (He carries Starsky into the office. Starsky mumbling) Take it easy, buddy. Take it easy. (Sets him down on the couch)
Joey: Listen, I could put your friend out of his misery for him.
Hutch: Get the hell out of here.
Joey: DonÕt forget cop, when you come out I want to see your hands in the clear. (He leaves)
Hutch: Easy. (Tries to make Starsky comfortable on the couch) No, no, donÕt move.
Starsky: Oh, Hutch. (Hutch rolls him forwards) I feel sick. (He grabs a green towel from the table)
Hutch: Just a second. (He props a cushion behind Starsky.) One more time. One more time. (Helps him roll over further)
Starsky: Oh, Hutch, Hutch. (His legs drop off the couch. Hutch)
Hutch: Take it easy. Take it easy. (Props Starsky legs back up and sits on the couch next to him and checks the back wound)
Starsky: Hey, what happened? Would you tell me what happened?
Hutch: You got shot, remember?
Starsky: No kidding.
Hutch: Huh?
Starsky: I thoughtÉoh my head.
Hutch: You got a little crease. (Props StarskyÕs head on the towel, his hands are bloody)
Starsky: Oh, Hutch.
Hutch: Where the hell is that girl? (Shouts) Get in here with that stuff!
Starsky: Hey, Hutch, you sound like Dobey.
Hutch: Sorry. (Theresa enters with a jug of water and an assortment of cloth)
Theresa: Here are the things you wanted.
Hutch: Put them over there. (She dumps them on the desk. He picks up a small cloth and presses it against the wound) Take your hand. Keep pressure on that. WhatÕs your name?
Theresa: Theresa.
Hutch: Theresa, some mess you got us into. (Takes off his coat)
Theresa: What are you talking about? (Hutch covers Starsky with a coat)
Hutch: Monte, it was only supposed to be Monte. I heard you. YouÕre talking about Vic Monte, arenÕt you? (Sits back down, Starsky holding on to HutchÕs knee) Gangland boss. You set him up, huh?
Theresa: No.
Hutch: You set him up, didnÕt you?
Theresa: You donÕt know how it is.
Hutch: Then how is it?
Theresa: Vic Monte had my brother killed.
Hutch: Which brings us right back to my point, you set him up.
Theresa: Well, they can be very convincing when they wanna be.
Hutch: Who can? (She says nothing.) Your brother was family, huh? (Starsky jerks and winces) Take it easy. Take it easy. IÕm right here.
Theresa: Do you think I wanted to get involved in this. My brother was a baby. He wasnÕt even 20 years old.
Hutch; Lady, you better understand what youÕve got yourself involved in. (Wraps a tablecloth into a rope type affair) Take it easy buddy. Take it easy. (Works it under StarskyÕs body) This is no personal vengeance killing. Vic MonteÕs an important gangland boss and those two men out there are hired out of state killers. (Ties the cloth up) What you have done is to put us right in the middle of a shooting war.
Theresa: No, no, itÕs because of my brother. Now, they say Monte has to pay and thatÕs why. (Hutch washes a cloth in some water.)
Hutch: Easy, Starsk, easy. Easy now, I want to pick up your head. (Picks his head up and presses the wet cloth against the crease.) Take it easy. (He winces.) Easy, easy. Besides killing people for a living I got a feeling that those two guys out there might lie a little too. You understand?
Joey: Hey cop, come out here. (Theresa get up, Hutch gets up and grabs her hand.)
Hutch: What time is Monte arriving? Theresa, listen to me. If not for my partner here, what about the people out there, innocent people.
Theresa: None of those people are gonna get hurt.
Hutch: DonÕt be stupid. YouÕre safe. They wonÕt touch you, youÕre family. But do you think for one minutes that after theyÕve killed Vic Monte theyÕre gonna let any one of the rest of us walk out of here alive. Now, what time is he gonna come? What time?
Theresa: Midnight.
Joey: Hey, cop, IÕm not gonna tell you again, now come on out here.
Hutch: Okay, okay. Listen, you stay in here. You keep him covered and warm and keep his face cool. If he needs me you call me.
Theresa: Yeah. (Hutch wipes the blood from his hands and leaves.)
Starsky: Hutch. (Theresa crouches by the couch and takes StarskyÕs wondering hand. Joey and Lockly are waiting outside the door)
Joey: You donÕt know how close you came to being laid out with your partner.
Lockly: Okay, Joey, I take it from here. Go to the bar, get yourself a drink and relax. Go, Joey. (Joey walks away) How is he?
Hutch: HeÕs still alive.
Lockly: Too bad all this had to happen.
Hutch: Yeah. Where do you want me?
Lockly: Take a table up front. I want you visible from the front door.
Hutch: So if Vic Monte comes in here, sees a cop, heÕll think heÕs safe, huh?
Lockly: YouÕre so intelligent, you put it together.
Hutch: Oh, it doesnÕt take much intelligence.
Lockly: Go. (Hutch goes to sit at the table by the door.)
GiovanniÕs Restaurant: 11:35pm
(Joey sits down at Sammy and Robin, his lady friendÕs table with a bottle of wine and three glasses)
Joey: Hope you like the year. (Sets up the glasses and pours the wine) WhatÕs good a looking bimbo like you doing with a toad like this, huh?
Robin: I work for him. WeÕre going to Vegas in the morning.
Sammy: SheÕs my straight lady, IÕm-IÕm a comic.
Joey: Oh yeah.
Sammy: Sammy Grovner.
Joey: Who?
Sammy: Sammy Grovner. Maybe you heard of him.
Joey: No, I ainÕt.
Sammy: We just played three weeks at the Galaxy Bowl-a-rama.
Joey: (Laughs) YouÕre really hitting the big time, huh? Hey, come on, funny man, tell me a joke. Make me laugh, huh?
Sammy: What?
Joey: Well, thatÕs what you get paid for, thatÕs what you get paid to do, right. Tell jokes? Come on, make me laugh. Come on, tell me a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. MonteÕll walk in and see everybody laughing and having a good time. He wonÕt think anythingÕs wrong. Come on, make me laugh, huh?
Sammy: Well, give me a second to think. Um, okay, okay. ThereÕs this bunch of gangsters you see? TheyÕre hanging out-
Joey: This better be funny.
Robin: What are you trying to do dummy? Get us killed, is that what youÕre trying to do?
Sammy: ItÕs a funny joke. You know itÕs a funny joke.
Robin: Do I have to sit with him?
Joey: You came in with him, youÕre gonna have to go out with him. Hey, thatÕs funny, huh? (Laughs) Some comic. (Stands up) Next week youÕre gonna be playing car washes. (Theresa comes out as Joey comes back to his corner)
Theresa: I think he needs you. (Hutch gets up and goes to the back room) ItÕs gonna be all right, I know it is. TheyÕll do what they have to do and then theyÕll leave.
Hutch: Sure. (Sits next to Starsky) Hey, buddy, how you feeling, huh?
Starsky: Hey.
Hutch: Yeah, right here.
Starsky: WhatÕs happening?
Hutch: Let me check this out. (Takes a look at the wound) Well, it looks like weÕre sitting on a bit of a powder keg.
Starsky: Yeah.
Hutch: Yeah, Vic Monte.
Starsky: Vic Monte?
Hutch: Yeah. (Picks up the jug) Those two guys out there are planning to surprise old Vic with his linguini.
Starsky: ThatÕs not too good.
Hutch: Yeah, I know when theyÕre finished with him weÕre next.
Starsky: You really know how to cheer a guy up, donÕt you?
Hutch: Well, I do my best. (Presses a wet rag to StarskyÕs mouth) Here take a bite of that.
Starsky: ItÕs awful.
Hutch Yeah, okay. (Uses the rag to wipe StarskyÕs face)
Starsky: What are we gonna do?
Hutch: What time you got? (Stands up and takes out his watch. Starsky tries to look at his watch, but canÕt seem to move his arm) Hey, buddy. (Sits on the table)
Starsky: No, itÕs all right. ItÕs all right.
Hutch: Listen here, take my watch, huh? (Gives Starsky his watch)
Starsky: Okay.
Hutch: All right. IÕve synchronized it with the wall clock out there.
Starsky: Yeah.
Hutch: Yeah.
Starsky: What are we gonna do with it?
Hutch: All right, itÕs a long shot, but itÕs the only chance we got right now. Joey, the wild man out there? HeÕs wound up tighter than a drum. HeÕs ready to explode any minute. (Picks up the jug) Think you can handle this? Heave it against that wall over there. (Starsky laughs, and then winces) Easy, easy.
Starsky: Give it to me.
Hutch: Okay,
Starsky: Just give it to me. (Takes the jug.)
Hutch: All right, now do it and make a lot of racket.
Starsky: A lot of racket.
Hutch: A lot of racket.
Starsky: Hey, hey, listen, this reminds me of a film I saw.
Hutch: Yeah, what?
Starsky: Yeah, you know the bad guy, you trip him and his gun slips out of his hand, you grab it. (Hutch laughs a little) Hey.
Hutch: Yeah.
Starsky: You got any plans after this is all over?
Hutch: ItÕs up to you.
Starsky: After we get this all wrapped up, weÕll go down and knock off a couple of banks in Bolivia. (They both laugh) Okay, hey, when do you want me to throw the first pitch?
Hutch: Okay. Five minutes. Five minutes, now thatÕs gonna give me enough time to get back to that table and get in position without those guys knowing that anythingÕs coming down.
Starsky: ThatÕs 14 minutes before 12
Hutch: Fourteen to twelve. Okay. (He gets up and moves to the door)
Starsky: Hey Hutch. Hey, next time you want scrambled eggs donÕt let me talk you out of it.
(Hutch goes back to his table, the clock on the wall says 11:43. In the back office Starsky listens to the thunder and nearly drops the watch. Robin and Sammy are sat close together at their table)
Sammy: ItÕs crazy, itÕs really crazy.
Robin: IÕm gonna get out of this.
Sammy: Yeah, but how? They got us nailed here.
Robin: I said me Sammy. IÕm gonna get me out of this.
Sammy: ItÕs really nice to know you can be counted on.
Robin: ItÕs all over for you anyway.
Sammy: What are talking about, all over? Is Las Vegas all over?
Robin: A stinking lounge in a stinking downtown hotel. Second bananas to a second rate rock group.
Sammy: ItÕs still Las Vegas and itÕs my shot.
Robin: Stop dreaming, Sammy. TheyÕre gonna pull the curtain down. Only, not on me. Not on me. (She walks across the restaurant stopping briefly next to Hutch) What should I do? Call a cop? (She walks over to the corner table) This seat taken?
Joey: No, itÕs our pleasure. (She sits down) SheÕs quite a number ainÕt she?
Lockly: You want her for later, sheÕs all yours.
Robin: DonÕt I do anything for you?
Joey: Him? (Laughs) Are you kidding? You oughta see this guys place. Full of books, it looks like a library.
Robin: Well, IÕd rather see yours.
Joey: Oh yeah? Well, we could throw the cop out of the office.
Robin: Now?
Joey: Why not?
Robin: Why not?
Joey: Hey, youÕre really something, ainÕt you, huh?
Robin: I could be anything you want me to be.
Joey: YouÕre luck- (Moves to strike her, but Lockly blocks him)
Lockly: Hold it.
Joey: Cheap tramp. Let me tell you something if you were any kind of a broad youÕd stick with that guy whether he was a toad or not. She thought I fell for that. She really did. (Laughs)
Lockly: I suggest you go back to your table, Miss. (She heads for SammyÕs table, but he turns away so she knocks on HutchÕs table)
Robin: Do you mind? (She sits)
Hutch: No matter what the move itÕs always the wrong one, huh?
Robin: Story of my life. You know, SammyÕs been good to me. Really good. So, what do I do? Tell him to go drown. Some hood, some two-bit hood sees right through me. I donÕtÕ know what it is with men. I donÕt understand. If I donÕt kiss them off they kiss me off. Why is that? Come on, youÕre a guy. Tell me, why is that?
Hutch: Maybe you have to give a little.
Robin: Give a little. ThatÕs funnier than Sammy. ItÕs not so funny when itÕs true, is it?
(Hutch stares at the back office. ItÕs 11:45. In the back office Starsky puts the watch on the floor and grabs the jug)
Jimmy: ThereÕs one thing I canÕt figure out. If Vic Monte is supposed to be as big a man as they say he is it donÕt stand to reason him letting anybody get close to him, close enough to set him up.
Theresa: Well, about month after my brother was killed some of his friends came to the house. They knew I needed a job, so-
Jimmy: And they got you this?
Theresa: They called me three days ago and they told me that it was Vic Monte who had my brother killed. They talked about obligation and honor. I said I couldnÕt do it. And that was when they mentioned the accident that my mother would have if I didnÕt go along with them.
Jimmy: Your mother.
(In the back room, Starsky stares at the watch. Hutch gets ready)
Hutch: Whatever happens in the next minute try to stay out of the way, hon. (11:46)
Theresa: Stay out of it.
Jimmy: IÕve had about as much as a man can take.
Theresa: Jimmy, donÕt. (He chargers at the bad guys, but Hutch blocks him, forcing him against the wall)
Hutch: Go back and sit down.
Jimmy: Let go. (He pushes Hutch away so he hits Jimmy in the side and Joey hits him over the head with his gun)
Joey: Hey
(In the back room, Starsky throws the hug against the wall. Joey looks away and Hutch pushes the gun away it shoots the mirror just as an old couple enter. The lady screams Hutch helps Jimmy up)
Joey: You lousy bum, I should have killed you when I had the chance. Next time IÕm not gonna miss you.
Jimmy: Yeah, when I get a chance I ainÕt gonna miss you.
Joey: You donÕt get no more chances, big boy. None of you people get anymore chances.
Lockly: Joey, will you shut up. Take him to the cellar and lock him up with the old man.
Joey: All right, letÕs go, move. Move it! (Jimmy moves and Joey follows)
Lockly: (To Robin) Now, miss get back to your table. (To the old couple) You two, sit over there. (Hutch moves up to the bar)
Hutch: Theresa, stay out of this.
Theresa: HeÕs hurt.
Hutch: Listen, thereÕs no more time for making choices. You understand? Either youÕre gonna help me or youÕre not.
Theresa: What do you want me to do?
Hutch: Is there a gun in this place?
Theresa: I donÕt know.
Lockly: Theresa, get away from there. Get these people some food.
Hutch: While youÕre in the kitchen check the wine cellar find out if the old man has a gun. If he does, where he keeps it.
Lockly: Theresa!
Theresa: Yeah. (She leaves for the kitchen)
Lockly: I told everybody to sit down. What are you whispering about?
Hutch: Well, before your trigger-happy pal got so excited I thought I heard something fall back in the office. IÕd like to go check my partner out.
Lockly: All right, go ahead, but first that empty holster, get rid of it, now. (Hutch takes off his holster and heads for the back room. ItÕs 11:50. Joey comes back from the cellar)
Joey: The big jerk is locked up.
Lockly: They say that rain washes everything clean. ItÕs gonna take a lot of it before weÕre through here.
GiovanniÕs Restaurant: 11:51
(The old couple has some food, but the lady picks up an olive and drops it)
Lady: IÕm not hungry.
(In the back office, Starsky is lying on the floor and Hutch pulls him into his lap.)
Starsky: Hutch?
Hutch: Yeah, IÕm right here.
Starsky: Hutch?
Hutch: IÕm right here, IÕm right here. IÕm right here.
Starsky: I thought they killed you.
Hutch: Is that what youÕre doing on the floor?
Starsky: (Chuckles) I thought IÕd tunnel out, go for help. (His arm drops to the ground limply and Hutch picks it up)
Hutch: HowÕs youÕre arm, huh? (He squeeze StarskyÕs arm)
Starsky: ItÕs fine. Hey, did you get the bad guys?
Hutch: I think we still got them with us. (Keeps squeezing StarskyÕs arm.)
Starsky: Oh, terrific.
Hutch: You sure your arms all right?
Starsky: Oh, it couldnÕt be better. (It flops back to the floor) I told you Gene Autry gets it there all the time. (Hutch starts feeling down his left side) How do I look?
Hutch: You look terrific.
Starsky: I bet I do.
Hutch: Terrific. You want me to set you up?
Starsky: Think you can?
Hutch: IÕll try, you big lug. Come on. (Starts lifting StarskyÕs upper body)
Starsky: IÕll try to help.
Hutch: Move your legs a little for me.
Starsky: Oh, okay. (He moves his legs and Hutch lifts him up so heÕs leaning against the couch)
Hutch: Okay, now, just hold it right there. Hold it right there. (Gets his legs under him)
Starsky: What do you want me to do now? (Hutch moves him so heÕs leaning more securely against the couch)
Hutch: IÕll let you know, okay. Right now, I think weÕve got them on the run. (Covers StarskyÕs legs with a coat and supports his head with one of the couch cushions) There you go. You just stay right there and take it easy.
Starsky: AinÕt going nowhere. (Hutch stands up holding his watch and leans against the wall, obviously tired. Theresa enters)
Theresa: How is he? (Hutch pulls her to one side)
Hutch: He canÕt feel a thing. What about the gun?
Theresa: The old man says there is a gun, well sort of a gun.
Hutch: What do you mean? Sort of a gun?
Theresa: Well, the part where you put the bullets.
Hutch: The clip.
Theresa: Is in the back of the cash register. And the gun is under the bar, near the cash register. But I donÕt if itÕs gonna do any good. He hasnÕt used it in years. He hasnÕt cleaned it in years.
Hutch: ThereÕs no way we can find out until we try it. Look, if we work together I think I can get the clip, but youÕre gonna have to get the gun and bring it back here. Do you understand? Can you do it?
Theresa: Yeah, I think I can, yeah. (Hutch glances at a tired Starsky)
(11:54. Theresa and Hutch come out of the back office and loiter at the bar)
Lockly: Hey cop, get back to your seat. (Hutch leans over the bar) DonÕt push me. (Hutch picks up a glass)
Hutch: I just want a beer. My mouth is dry.
Joey: IÕll bet it is (Laughs. Hutch pours himself a drink from the pump. He takes a sip)
Theresa: You want a beer, you pay for it.
Joey: You tell him, Theresa. Those cops are all alike. TheyÕre all trying to get something for nothing.
Hutch: How much?
Theresa: 50 cents. (Hutch goes around to the till, holds up a dollar bill, opens the cash register and puts it in. He finds the clip and hides up his sleeve. He holds up his change and comes back to Theresa)
Hutch: My partnerÕs getting the chills. IÕd appreciate if youÔd get him something warm to drink.
Theresa: ThereÕs some soup already made out in the kitchen.
Hutch: IÕll pay for it.
Theresa: Okay?
Lockly: Okay, but make it fast.
Joey: I bet the piggy put in a buck in the till and took out a ten spot, huh?
(11:55)
Man: We should have had children.
Lady: What?
Man: If we had kids, at least someone would care.
Lady: A lot of people will care.
Man: The people we know. They wonÕt remember a month from now.
Lady: That doesnÕt say much for us does it.
Man: It just about says it all. (At the next table)
Sammy: No matter what I had. I mean, if I had pneumonia, or a broken arm or a boil my mother always gave me chicken soup. ThatÕs Jewish Penicillin. Maybe thereÕs a Polish joke there someplace.
Robin: Nobody uses Polish jokes anymore, Sammy.
Sammy: I guess youÕre right. I gotta think of some class material for Vegas.
Robin: I didnÕt mean it that way. IÕm sorry. IÕm always saying and doing the wrong things, arenÕt I?
Sammy: Listen, in my life, IÕve made more mistakes than I can count.
Robin: Yeah, so have I. Sammy what I did over there, before that. That was really something else wasnÕt it. IÕm sorry.
Sammy: Oh, hey, you, you only did what you thought was right.
Robin: Please, Sammy, donÕt make me feel more guilty about it. Can you say something funny, make me laugh.
Sammy: How aboutÉI love you. (Pause) IsnÕt that a scream? (She starts to tear up)
(11:56. Theresa comes out of the kitchen with a bowl of soap. She goes over to the bar and gets the gun from under the counter and hides it under a serviette. Joey approaches.)
Joey: Hey, hey. What do you got there? Theresa, IÕm ashamed of you.
Theresa: Why? WhatÕs the matter?
Joey: It smells so good. Why didnÕt you bring me some, huh?
Theresa: ThereÕs some more in the kitchen. If you want some you gotta get it yourself. (She goes into the back room and Joey goes back to his table)
Lockly: Three minutes to 12.
Joey: Yeah, well, this time I wonÕt miss.
Theresa: I think you better get in here. (Hutch heads for the back room.)
Lockly: Hold it cop! I want you where I can see you.
Hutch: IÕm going back there and youÕre not gonna stop me. (Lockly pulls back the hammer) What are you gonna do now, blow me away? ThereÕs not gonna be time to pick up the pieces before Vic Monte gets in here. (Gives the Hutchinson finger and heads for the back room. Theresa gives him the gun) Oh, beautiful. (Crouches beside Starsky) Hey, buddy, look what I got.
Starsky: Last go-around, huh?
Hutch: Yeah. From what I understand this things is liable to go off in my face as anything.
Starsky: Well, you always did want an excuse to get your teeth capped. (Hutch chuckles)
Hutch: You know something?
Starsky: What?
Hutch: You look terrible.
Starsky: Hey, donÕt let me fool you. I played Camille in high school.
Hutch: Yeah. (Stands up. To Theresa) Now, thereÕs one more thing I want you to do. When I walk out of this room, those guys watch me like a hawk.
Theresa: What can I do?
Hutch: Well, I canÕt walk out with a gun in my hand and I canÕt get a clear shot at them because there are two people sitting at this table, so what I want you to do is give me a couple of seconds to get in to position.
Theresa: You want me to create a diversion?
Hutch: Yeah, drop a glass, throw a tray, anything. (Theresa leaves)
Starsky: Hey Hutch, hey. (Hutch crouches back next to Starsky.)
Hutch: Yeah?
Starsky: Come here.
Hutch: Yeah?
Starsky: I was just kidding about the teeth. (Their foreheads touch)
Hutch: Yeah.
Starsky: See ya.
(Hutch stands up and tucks the gun behind him, into his waistband. Theresa sets up a tray on the counter. Hutch stands by the bar. ItÕs 11:59. Outside Vic MonteÕs car pulls up. Theresa throws the tray. Joey fires, Hutch fires and shoots Joey. Lockly ducks and fires. Hutch rolls to the right and fires, hitting Lockly in the shoulder. Outside Vic MonteÕs car drives away. Hutch checks Joey, then throws all the guns on the table and wraps them with the table cloth)
Hutch: Theresa, call an emergency operator. Get the police, an ambulance and a coronerÕs wagon down here. (Theresa makes the call, while Hutch takes the guns and goes into the back room. He crouches next to Starsky.) ItÕs all over, partner.
Starsky: No, it ainÕt. Hey.
Hutch: WhatÕs that?
Starsky: IÕm hungry.
HutchÕs House: Day.
(Jimmy and Theresa are sat on the sofa while two other woman are sat on chairs)
Huggy: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, to answer the many thousands of inquires as to what Detective Dave Michael Starsky has been doing in his off time while recovering from his gunshot injury. I now present the latest graduates of the Sammy Grovner School of Hilarious Humor: Starsky and Hutch.
(They both burst out of the bathroom, Hutch wearing a red and white stripy jacket and hat and Starsky wearing a tailcoat, top hat and his left arm in a sling)
Starsky: Hello, hello, hello, I got a dog without a nose.
Hutch: Really, how does he smell?
Starsky: Terrible. (Silence)
Hutch: I warned you.
Starsky: What do you wanna do, run out of your own house? Hello, hello, hello, did you hear about the woman who got hurt taking a milk bath?
Hutch: No, what happened?
Starsky: Cow slipped, fell on her head. (Silence)
Hutch: Hello, hello, hello.
Starsky: Hello.
Hutch: Do I hear music?
Starsky: ThatÕs not music, thatÕs just mice.
Hutch: Oh, you dummy, mice canÕt play musical instruments.
Starsky: DidnÕt you ever hear of a Òmice-stro.Ó (Silence) Hello, hello, hello.
Hutch: Hello.
Starsky: Did you hear about the guy going through customs, they asked him if he had any pornographic literature.
Hutch: No, what happened?
Starsky: He said, ÒI donÕt even own a pornograph.Ó (They go back into the bathroom) We are killing them . We are knocking them dead, man, knocking them dead.
Hutch: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Help Starsky take off his sling and jacket)
Starsky: Fantastic. Oh, boy. I told you itÕd work.
Hutch: Tell you what.
Starsky: What?
Hutch: IÕll go out there and get them ready for the next set.
Starsky: Fantastic, fantastic idea.
Hutch: DonÕt forget the gorilla joke.
Starsky: Hey, I wonÕt forget nothing.
Hutch: Good luck. (Leaves)
Starsky: YouÕre the tops. IÕm knocking them dead. We are knocking them dead. (Comes out with a Groucho Marx moustache, nose, glasses and cigar. But no oneÕs there) I gotta warn you, if you people donÕt start laughing IÕm gonna join a club and hit you over the head with it. (He notices the empty room) Did you ever get the feeling youÕre all alone in the world, nobody loves ya?
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