The Vampire

episode transcript by Sarah Spearey

Playhouse: Night.

Rene: I love you, Maria. I will always love you. It’ll work. Our love will make it work.

(Inside a man is talking to a painting with candles all around.) I can feel it. I’ll bring you back from death, Maria. I promise. I’ll bring you back. (He puts on a cape. He’s wearing fangs.) Together we’ll never die. (Leaves)

A Bus Stop: Night.

(A bus pulls up. A young blonde lady gets off. There’s lightning in the air and a strong wind. She stops to take off her shoes. Rene is watching from the bushes. She stops on some stairs to look through her bag. Rene comes out with his cape spread out and jumps on the girl as she screams. He wraps her up in his cape.)

Play Pen: Night.

(Inside people are dancing. Starsky and Hutch are stood at the bar with Huggy.)

Huggy: How do you like this little gold mine I gotta take care of until my cousin Louie returns?

Starsky: Very nice, Hug.

Huggy: Hey, he’s got a big stake in frog futures. He had to leave for Venezuela to check out his new frog ranch. All this happened after the IRS read his latest tax returns. Really. (Walks away. Hutch spots two girls sitting alone.)

Hutch: Would you look at that?

Starsky: Look at that. (Starsky’s looking at the girls also, only Hutch’s is a reflection.)

Hutch: Look at that. (Points.)

Starsky: Look at that. (Points. They both look and see the girls.)

Hutch: What are you gonna do, just stand here and stare? You gonna go over and talk to them.

Starsky: Just like that?

Hutch: Yeah. (Sips his beer.)

Starsky: Okay. (Walks around Hutch.)

Hutch: On second thought, maybe I’d better take control of this situation.

Starsky: Why?

Hutch: Well, I wouldn’t want you to lose what little dignity you might have left. Watch the master at work, huh?

(Walks over to the girls table and leans down to talk to them. He sits down. Starsky comes over.)

Hutch: Oh, ladies, excuse me. Uh, this is, uh…

Starsky: Starsky. David Starsky.

Hutch: David Starsky.

Bobette: Hello. (Shakes hands.)

Starsky: Hi, uh.,

Hutch: This is Barbette.

Starsky: Barbette?

Bobette: Bobette.

Starsky: Bobette.

Hutch: And this is Jane.

Starsky: Hi, Jane. (Moves to shake her hand and knocks the bowl Hutch is holding.) I’m sorry.

Hutch: You’ll have to excuse my friend.

Starsky: Uh, I guess I’m a little nervous.

Bobette: Oh, I think you’re kinda foxy.

Starsky: Yeah?

Bobette: Yeah. (Starsky sits down.)

Starsky: Foxy, huh?

Bobette: Yeah.

Starsky: Hey, you know something? The two of you look like twins.

Huggy: Hey, excuse me.

Hutch: What?

Huggy: Dobey’s on the phone.

Starsky: Hm?

Huggy: He wants to speak to one of you. Says it’s urgent.

Starsky: Oh, no. (Hutch gets out a coin.)

Hutch: Heads or tails.

Starsky: What?

Hutch: Heads or tails.

Starsky: Heads.

Hutch: No, it’s tails. (Without looking.) Tough break, foxy.

Starsky: Terrific. (Leaves.)

Bobette: Do you guys come here a lot?

Hutch: No, no. As a matter of fact, we don’t.

(Starsky picks up the phone.)

Starsky: Yeah? What? Captain, this is our night off. Yeah…Okay. Okay! (Hangs up and goes back to the table.)

Hutch: We really don’t have too much time off. We work 12 to 14 hour shifts.

Starsky: Hey, uh, we gotta go.

Hutch: What? Ah.

Starsky: Sorry ladies. (Shakes their hands.)

Hutch: Well, it was nice to meet you.

Jane: Hey, are you guys really policemen?

Starsky: Yep.

Hutch: Yep.

Bobette: That’s exciting.

Starsky: Yeah?

Bobette: Yeah.

Hutch: Let’s go. (Walks past Starsky)

Starsky: See you.

Bobette: Bye. (They walk off. Starsky turns back.)

Starsky: Hey, hey, I didn’t get that number.

Hutch: Yeah, no…

Starsky: What?

Hutch: Get both of them, will you? (Starsky goes back and speaks to Bobette and then comes back.) You got them, huh?

Starsky: Yeah.

Hutch: Did you write them down?

Starsky: Tattooed on my brain.

Hutch: Oh. (They leave.)

The Morgue: Night.

(Starsky and Hutch enter. Dobey’s already there looking through some things on a table.)

Starsky: Captain.

Dobey: Where have you two been?

Hutch: Off duty.

Starsky: You know, enjoying a couple of slices of heaven, a piece of apple pie. (Dobey uncovers a corpse and covers it up again.)

Hutch: Any witnesses?

Dobey: There never are in cases like this.

Starsky: What do we got?

Dobey: Well, right now, not much. (Looks through her possessions.) Her name was Honey Williams and she was on her way home from Slave’s Cave, where she worked as a dancer.

Starsky: Slade’s Cave.

Dobey: That’s right.

Slade’s Cave: Night.

(A woman is on stage dancing slowly to jazz music. The people are sat around on beanbags watching. Starsky and Hutch enter and stare at the dancer. Hutch goes over to the barman.)

Hutch: You the owner? (Starsky continues watching.) Hey. Hey!(They go over to a guy sat on a beanbag with a girl)

Hutch: Your name Slade?

Slade: Yeah, that’s right on, man. (Hutch shows his badge.) You win the prize.

Hutch: We’d like to know a little something about Honey Williams.

Slade: Ain’t you pigs got anything better to do than bust strippers?

Hutch: Yeah. Find out who kills them. (The girl wakes up.)

Linda: Somebody killed Honey?

Starsky: A little less than an hour ago.

Linda: Honey’s dead? What happened?

Hutch: That’s what we’re trying to find out.

Slade: Hey, I ain’t left this place all night. Ask anybody.

Starsky: Nobody said you did.

Hutch: Miss, miss…

Linda: Offenbecker.

Hutch: Miss Offenbecker.

Linda: Linda Offenbecker. Somebody killed her?

Hutch: That’s right. Linda, did you notice any of the customers trying to hit on her?

Slade: Hey, the broad dances for a living, a lot of guys hit on her.

Linda: No, but Honey was gonna be a great dancer one day. I even took a lesson with her once.

Hutch: Where was that?

Linda: Um…it was over on Broadway at, um, Nadasy’s.

Hutch: I’m sorry?

Linda: Nadasy’s.

Slade: Hey.

Starsky: Sweetheart? He been here all night? (Slade almost speaks, but Hutch points at him.)

Linda: Um…I think he was. Um, I was dancing a lot at that time and I think he was. Somebody killed Honey.

Starsky: At times like this, you’re glad your sister didn’t go into show biz. (They leave)

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Day.

(The Torino pulls up outside. Starsky and Hutch get out.)

Starsky: If you’re so all fired smart, what’s a “paw de toose”?

Hutch: Pas du tout.

Starsky: Uh-huh. “Not at all.”

Hutch: What?

Starsky: That’s what it means. “Not at all.”

Hutch: Après moi.

Starsky: What does that mean?

Hutch: “After me.” (They enter the building.)

(Inside girls are dancing around Rene stood in the middle. Rene notices Starsky and Hutch.)

Hutch: What’s the number of those twins?

Starsky: Huh?

Hutch: The twins.

Starsky: What do you want to know for?

Hutch: You do remember it, don’t you?

Starsky: Sure, uh, it’s 456.... No, it’s 465.

Hutch: Tattooed on your brain, right?

(Rene limps over to them with the help of a cane.”

Rene: Can I help you, gentlemen?

Starsky: Sorry to interrupt you. (Shows his badge.) We’d like to ask a couple of questions about one of your students. Honey Williams.

Rene: Why certainly. Just a minute. Uh, ladies. Ladies, take a break for five minutes. Relax. Yes, what about Honey? I hope she’s not in any kind of trouble.

Starsky: She’s dead.

Rene: What? (Hutch nods.) What happened?

Hutch: She was assaulted last night near her apartment.

Rene: The world is becoming a very unsafe place to live in.

Hutch: Yeah. Could you tell us something about her?

Rene: She was…she was a very promising dancer. She was talented. She was dedicated.

Hutch: Would she have had any enemies?

Rene: Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t know her that well. (Looks up at the painting of a dancer.) She seemed like a genuinely good person. (Starsky and Hutch look at the painting.) That’s my late wife. She died recently too.

Hutch: I’m sorry.

Rene: It always seems to be the good ones, doesn’t it?

Starsky: Yeah, well, uh, thank you. (Shakes his hand.)

Rene: Thank you. (Shakes Hutch’s hand.) Thank you. (They leave.) All right, ladies. Let’s resume class.

Dobey’s Office: Day

(Dobey’s sat at his desk, Hutch is pacing and Starsky’s eating a sandwich.)

Dobey: Look, Hutchinson, I’m reading what it says in the coroner’s report right here: “Death by strangulation.”

Hutch: All right. What about her neck? It was mangled, like somebody had chewed it all up, you know.

Dobey: “A sharp, two-pronged instrument was driven into her jugular vein. After the victim was dead.”

Hutch: After?

Dobey: Traces of human saliva found on the neck. (Starsky’s put off his sandwich.)

Starsky: What?

Dobey: That’s not all. More blood was missing from the body than was accountable for at the scene of the crime.

Starsky: What kind of weirdo are we dealing with here?

Dobey: Look, the newspaper and TV people are gonna have a field day on this one. But I don’t want any wild speculations from you two.

Hutch: All right, captain.

Starsky: You know something.

Hutch: What?

Starsky: This sounds like the m.o on that, uh, Carson.

Hutch: Oh, yeah. She was killed last month on the south side.

Dobey: Carol Carson. It was on the 25^th of the month. Exactly the same m.o., but nothing turned up. Look, you two better hit the streets and put a lid on this before the town goes crazy. (Starsky remains seated. Hutch taps his shoulder and clicks his fingers.)

Starsky: Yeah. Here you go, cap. (Hands Dobey his lunch.)

Dobey: Why, thank you, Starsky. (They leave and enter the squad room.)

Hutch: This nut sounds like he’s going on a spree.

Starsky: Attacked in the middle of the night, blood missing from her neck…you know something?

Hutch: What?

Starsky: Did you ever see any of those vampire movies?

Hutch: Oh, that’s great, Starsk. That’s a very sensible conclusion. (Hutch leaves the squad room. Starsky slowly follows.)

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Day

(Rene’s in his room, it’s dark, lit only by long red candles. He’s looking at the painting of his wife.)

Rene: Can’t you feel it? The excitement, Maria. (Lowers his head.) I know. It’s not enough yet. We’ll go out again tonight.

Squad Room: Day.

(Hutch is on the phone.)

Hutch: …all patients and prisoners released from psychiatric institutions within the last two years. Yeah. (Lady walks by.) Oh, Sarah, would you get me some more coffee, please? Thank you. Nobody said it was gonna be easy, Roger. Anybody! Anyone who’s had any record of criminal assaults against women, schizophrenic delusions, blood fetishists. Blood fetishists, Roger. Yeah, I’ll hold. (Sarah leaves his coffee on the desk. Starsky enters with books.) Thanks, Sarah. What did you find out about Slade?

Starsky: Hm? Petty theft, possession, statutory rape…

Hutch: How’d you do in research?

Starsky: I got something really fantastic. Did you know that the last person to be tried, convicted and executed of being a vampire was in England in 1949.

Hutch: You too, huh? I mean, this is really crazy. I mean, this is really lunatic time.

Starsky: Yeah? How about that Dracula was named after a real person in the 15^th century in Transylvania.

Hutch: Yeah, Roger! Roger, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Okay. Look, would you also get me a crosscheck on Honey Williams and the other dead girl. Find out what you can about what they had in common. Besides being dead, Roger. Yeah, you’re a real comedian, you know that? No, we are not looking for any vampire! (Hangs up. The squad rooms quiet.) Now I suppose you’re gonna tell me about wooden crosses and hammers and stakes.

Starsky: Well, actually, to be most effective, the stakes should be made out of cedar, but if it’s a lead we’re looking for to hit the streets with, there is one thing that all these books agree on. That is, whenever a vampirism is practised it is usually in connection with the occult and devil worshiping. (Hutch stands up.) You just won’t accept the possibility, will you?

Hutch: That there’s a real vampire? No. (They head for the door.)

Starsky: Well, then how do you explain those two girls, huh?

Hutch: I can’t do that. Not now.

Starsky: Yeah, well, Hutch, these are modern times. Anything is possible. I mean, they’re landing cameras on Mars and taking pictures. Girls are trying out for football teams.

Hutch: Yeah, but bats do not suckers of human blood make.

Starsky: Yeah? Well, fools and only greenhorns try to predict the weather. (He leaves. Hutch follows, meeting him at the water fountain.)

Hutch: Starsky, that is just plain idiotic. You know that? Just idiot…wait a second. Wait a second. (Hutch sees something around Starsky’s neck. He tries to hide it.)

Starsky: What?

Hutch: What’s that around your neck?

Starsky: It’s nothing.

Hutch: Ah, wait a minute.

Starsky: It’s nothing.

Hutch: Just let me look. (Tries pulling it out.)

Starsky: Will you please…

Hutch: Just let me look. (Takes it out.) It’s garlic. It’s garlic.

Starsky: I’ve been known to wear garlic lots of times. (Hutch laughs. He walks off, Hutch follows.)

Hutch: You mean while I was on the phone, you actually went down to the commissary and you bought yourself a clove of garlic…to protect…to protect yourself against vampires. (Hutch laughs louder. Starsky pops a clove into Hutch’s mouth.)

Starsky: I got one for you too. (Starsky walks off. Hutch spits it out.)

Hutch: Yuck.

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Day.

Rene: Four, five, six, seven, eight. (Rene is teaching a class. The women are lined up by a mirror.) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight. Forward, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Impulse back. Two, more, Suzette, more, more. Good, Suzette. You’re beginning to look like something. (He stares at Suzette, while she dances. Flashes of the painting, as he stares at her neck. While he’s distracted the girls stop dancing and stare at him.) Well, that’s all right, girls. We’ll just cut it short for today. Thank you.

The Streets: Night.

(The Torino drives by.)

Dispatch: Zebra Three, Zebra Three. See the man at the Play Pen Bar, Marshall and Bundy.

Play Pen Bar: Night.

(Starsky and Hutch enter. They walk past a janitor.)

Starsky: Excuse me. (Approach the bar.)

Huggy: Hey, Starsky. Hutch.

Starsky: Hey, Hug, what you doing?

Huggy: I heard on the TV news that there’s a guy running around thinking he’s a bloodsucking vampire and the police can’t protect us, so people gotta protect themselves. (Hutch is looking at handheld mirrors.)

Hutch: At $2.98 a crack?

Huggy: Hey, for $7.50 you get your complete vampire protection kit. (Takes out things from his bag.) Complete with hammer and stake for finishing off the old dude. One cross guaranteed to make any vampire of Christian persuasion cringe in terror and one garlic wreath for all the rest of the denominations. And last, but not least, a mirror, and if he’s standing behind you and you can’t see him in this, it’s time for feet to do their thing.

Starsky: Hug, how much for all this stuff?

Hutch: Starsk, Starsk..

Starsky: What?

Hutch: Huggy, you called us.

Huggy: Right, uh, I just thought you might be interested. There’s a guy named Guybo who lives on Fifth Street.

Hutch: Guybo?

Huggy: Yeah, Guybo. He runs a palm-reading joint, and he’s heavy into the occult and devil-worship trip.

Hutch: Oh, well, thank you very much.

Starsky: Wait a sec, Hug, how much for the hammer and stake?

Hutch: Starsky, you don’t need a hammer.

Starsky: How do you know?

Hutch: Use your head. (They leave. Huggy puts his stuff away, looks in the mirror and then looks behind him.)

Fifth Street: Night.

(Starsky looks at a table with a scull and other weird things on.)

Starsky: Wow. Did you see this? Why do you think his nose is wrapped in straw? (Stands up, turns around and Hutch, wearing a black, monster mask growls. Starsky jumps. A man enters.)

Hutch: Oh, Mr. Guybo?

Guybo: Yes?

Hutch: Uh, police. Oh. (Takes off the mask.) Hold that, will you? (Gives it to Starsky Shows his badge) We understand that when it comes to devil worship and the occult that you are the man to talk to, is that right?

Guybo: Well, if it’s the reading about Mrs. Longello, I will give back the money.

Hutch: No, that’s not what I’m talking about. Huggy Bear sent us over here. He thought maybe you could help us out.

Starsky: We’re looking for this maniac that draws blood off of people.

Guybo: Oh. My ancestors have spoken about this, but it was said to have happened many years ago.

Starsky: Oh, well, how many years ago?

Hutch: How about something more recent, huh?

Guybo: Well there are some Satanists. Their leader is a man named Seeds.

Starsky: Seeds.

Guybo: Yes. I have it on good authority that at their ceremonies, they stand naked under a midnight moon and paint their bodies with human blood.

Starsky: No kidding. Where do you find these people?

Guybo: I don’t know. My people don’t go near them.

Starsky: Yeah. Say, is it true that you can speak with the spirits?

Guybo: But of course, that is my profession.

Starsky: Well, do you think you could, uh, you know, conjure up an image of this guy, this killer? This maniac we’re looking for. Do you think you could do that? (Pause.)

Hutch: Why don’t you give him a couple of bucks?

Starsky: Oh. (Hands over some money. Guybo growls, bent over. Hutch snorts. Guybo stands up with his arms crossed.)

Guybo: (Deep voice.) When the full moon rises over the city, the bloodsucker comes forth. The hollowed eyed-one with the black cape who preys on young women.

Hutch: Oh, boy. Where’d you drag that one up from?

Guybo: From the 6:00 news. Hey, what do you expect for a sawbuck? A trance usually costs $30.

Hutch: Starsk, you see this? (Holds up a crystal ball.) Starsk? You know what I see in here? I see a dark-haired moron pretending to be Sherlock Holmes. Thanks, Guapo. (Throws him the ball. They leave.)

Office Block: Night.

(Suzette is walking down a corridor. She gets into an elevator. She goes down to the basement. She heads for her car. She hears a growl and footsteps.)

Suzette: Hello? (No one’s around.)

The Streets: Night.

Dispatch: All units, all units in the vicinity of 884 Bundy, prowler reported wearing a cape.

Hutch: This is Zebra Three. We are responding.

Office Block Basement: Night.

(Suzette walks to her car. She takes her keys out and is startled by a clatter and a cat. From across the parking lot she sees Rene running at her with his cape spread out. She desperately tries to open her car. She drops her keys. He tackles her, she screams. The Torino arrives while Rene is laying on her. He takes off as Starsky and Hutch stop and get out of the car.)

Hutch: I got him. (Starsky checks on Suzette.)

(Hutch follows Rene up the stairs.)

Starsky: Okay, get a coroner’s wagon. (He follows up the stairs.

(Rene reaches the roof and runs across it. Hutch reaches the room, gets out his gun and follows slowly. Rene takes off to the edge of the building and jumps the gap to the next building. Hutch gets to the edge and stops short of falling off. Starsky catches up to him.)

Starsky: What happened? Where’d he go?

Hutch: I don’t believe it.

Starsky: What?

Hutch: He flew.

Starsky: What?

Hutch: He flew! It’s 25 feet. Look at that.

Starsky: Yeah?

Hutch: Yeah. (They look at each other. Starsky walks off. Hutch looks down the gap.)

Squad Room: Day.

(Starsky’s stood at the door with a guy in a cap.)

Starsky: Don’t take it so hard, count. (The man leaves.)

Hutch: Anybody else?

Starsky: Yeah one more. You got anything?

Hutch: I don’t know. Maybe I got a pattern here.

Starsky: Oh, yeah?

Hutch: Yeah. (Starsky sits on a chair beside him.) The first girl who was killed worked in an office on Broadway. The second girl who was killed, Honey Williams, took ballet lessons in a theatre on the same block on Broadway.

Starsky: And the one last night?

Hutch: And the girl that was killed last night didn’t live or work there. But if there is some kind of connection, I’m gonna try her apartment. Says here she has a roommate.

Starsky: That’s pretty terrific detective work.

Hutch: Yeah? How you doing?

Starsky: Okay. The last of the American heroes coming up. (Knocks on the squad room door and a small man, Woody Allen type, with a red cap and leotard enters.) Okay, Supernat, how did it happen?

Supernat: The night was dark. The wind howled beneath the full moon…(makes wind sound.) You get the picture?

Starsky: Yeah.

Supernat: I leap from the top floor of the apartment building. My prey was below me, unsuspecting. Are you with me?

Starsky: Yeah.

Supernat: I caught her by surprise. I was too powerful for her to struggle away. (Starsk sighs.)

Starsky: Okay, killer. Jump over this chair.

(Supernat takes some steps back, hides behind his cape and runs at the chair, just as Dobey opens his door and the guy runs straight into it. Hutch rolls his eyes. Dobey looks unimpressed and Supernat is a little dazed. Starsky helps him up.)

Supernat: Give me another chance. Come on. Give me another chance at it. (Starsky leads him to the door.) One out of two ain’t bad.

Starsky: Here are your glasses, Supernat. Skedaddle. (The guy leaves.)

Dobey: Don’t you think he’s a little short for a vampire?

Hutch: That’s it.

Starsky: What’s it?

Hutch: The girl who was attacked last night took ballet lessons at the same school that Honey Williams did. (They leave.)

Dobey: Boy, one of these days, Starsky…

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Day

(Starsky and Hutch enter the school. Inside Rene is watching the ladies jump around him.)

Rene: Attitude, ladies, attitude. (He sees Starsky and Hutch enter and limps over to them.)

Hutch: You know, if it wasn’t for that bad leg, he could be the same guy we saw last night.

Rene: Hello. What can I do for you today?

Hutch: Suzette Clark. Another one of your students was attacked and murdered last night.

Rene: Oh, my God. In the same manner?

Starsky: Afraid so. Mr, Nadasy, three of the girls that have been killed, two of them have been students of yours.

Rene: Yes, but I have over 200 students. Something troubling you? What?

Starsky: Well, how long have you had a bum leg like that?

Rene: You think I’m your vampire? I hurt my leg in 1961. I was with the National Company then. I mean, that’s quite verifiable. It cut short what many people thought was a very promising career.

Hutch: Well, then you wouldn’t mind telling us where you’ve been for the last several nights.

Rene: You two could add a new dimension to the word “boorish.” I’m on the board of governors of the city ballet. We had tryouts there this past week. I don’t think I got away on any evening earlier than 3am. Now, that too is quite verifiable. Is there anything further I can do for you?

Starsky: Yeah, we’d like to look at your student records.

Rene: No, I’m afraid it would be too disruptive for the class. But you’re welcome to take my files with you if you think they’ll do any good.

(They leave with the flies.)

Hutch: That guy is a strange bird.

Starsky: Yep. Guess it could be pretty stupid to run out a check on him what with his bum leg and all.

Hutch: Yeah, well, that’s why I put the request in your name. (Starsky throws a file in his face.) Thank you. (Rene watches them leave. They get in the car and the radio beeps.)

Dobey: Zebra Three, come in, please.

Hutch: Zebra Three. Go ahead.

Dobey: Your friend Slade, from Slade’s Cave has an alias, “Seeds,” and he’s been heavy into satanic rituals for the past six years.

Hutch: We’re on our way. (Hangs up mic.)

Starsky: Did you really put that request in my name?

Hutch: Yeah. (They drive off with the mars light and siren blaring.)

Slade’s Cave: Day.

(They pull up outside and enter the club. It’s dark inside, with only red lights.)

Starsky: Where’s Slade?

Employee: Upstairs in his room.

Hutch: Where? (Points. They follow. They knock on his door.) Slade? (Knock again.) Slade? (They enter. It’s filled with boxes and there’s a girl on the bed.)

Starsky: Where’s Slade? Well, someone’s either going in or going out.

(Hutch checks the girl. She appears to be high.)

Hutch: Boy, the man is a lot of laughs.

Starsky: Hutch. (Pulls out a clock from the cupboard.) Nice cape, huh?

Hutch: Yeah.

Starsky: Real cute.

Hutch: Starsk. (Points.)

Starsky: Hm? (Walks over to the window where there’s a jar of red liquid.) Blood?

(They spot Slade walking to his car. They leave. Slade tries starting his car, but it won’t. Starsky and Hutch run down the fire escape. Slade gets the car running and pulls out, but Hutch jumps in front and fires a shot. Slade stops.)

Starsky: Give us a reason. (They both have their guns on him.)

Interrogation Room: Night.

(Slade is sat at the table. Hutch is to his right and Starsky is sat on a chair to his left.)

Starsky: Your alibis are all washed up, Slade. You got a broken-down stripper, you got a speed freak for a bartender. Those are hardly reliable witnesses.

Slade: Are you trying to frame me?

Starsky: What?

Hutch: What about the blood, Slade?

Slade: I told you, it was goat’s blood. We kill goats, drain the blood.

Starsky: That’s not what you tell your customers.

Hutch: Look, Slade, we’re not going anywhere. There are three girls dead, and right now, you stand to fall for all three of them.

Slade: It wasn’t me, man. It wasn’t. What do you think, I’m crazy or something?

Starsky: No, everyone stands stark naked at midnight and paints themselves with blood.

Slade: The people I got up there for the ceremonies were suckers. But it was goat’s blood man. Nothing else. I may have told them something different, but it was goat’s blood.

Starsky: Now, wait a second. Are you trying to tell us that this devil hocus-pocus you sell to people is a racket?

Slade: It’s a living. I got a bank account with six figures. How you doing, sweetheart?

(Dobey enters.)

Dobey: Starsky and Hutch. I want to see you two a minute. (They leave) Just got a report back on that blood you got at Slade’s place.

Hutch: Goat right?

Dobey: That’s right. Does this mean he’s not our man?

Hutch: No, but I bet 2-to-1 he knows who is.

Starsky: We think he turned someone on with that blood-devil ritual, only whoever he turned on, turned on all the way and flipped out.

Dobey: Is he gonna sing?

Starsky: I don’t think so. Not unless you’re ready to let him make a deal with the DA. He’s in too deep. (Dobey checks his watch.)

Dobey: Well, it’s a little after 10. What do you want to do?

Hutch: Why don’t you go talk to the DA, and we’ll finish up with Slade.

Dobey: All right.

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Night.

(Rene is looking up at Maria’s painting.)

Rene: We’re getting closer. I can feel it. It’s exciting, it’s it, Maria? And soon, my darling, you’ll be back with me, where you belong.

Slade’s Cave: Night.

(Linda picks up the phone.)

Linda: Hello?

Rene: Miss Offenbecker?

Linda: Yeah?

Rene: This is Rene Nadasy. I was just going through your friend Honey William’s locker here at the ballet studio, and I found some photographs that I think will be of great interest to you.

Linda: Photographs? What kind of photographs?

Rene: If you’re really a friend of Mr. Slade’s. you’d better get over here, now. (Hangs up.)

Rene’s School of Classical Ballet: Night.

(Rene’s sat in a chair, staring at the painting.)

Rene: It won’t be long now, Maria.

Slade’s Cave: Night.

(The Torino pulls up outside. Starsky and Hutch enter Slade’s room.)

Hutch: I’ll start over here.

Starsky: You got it. (They search the room. Starsky finds some pictures in a box.) Hutch. It seems he kept pictures of all his satanic rituals. (They both look through the pictures.) Hey.

Hutch: I see he’s got some important people here.

Starsky: Look. (Shows Hutch a picture of Maria.)

Hutch: You know who that is. (They run out.)

The Playhouse: Night.

(Rene is on stage dancing around with his cape on. Jumping around very professionally. Linda arrives and enters the theatre. It’s empty.)

Linda: Hello? Is anybody here? (She walks on to the stage.) Is anybody here?

(Outside the Torino pulls up and Starsky and Hutch enter the playhouse. Linda looks around and hears a growl. Rene runs at her and she screams. He tackles her. Starsky and Hutch hear. Rene goes to bite Linda)

Hutch: Nadasy! (Rene runs off. Starsky and Hutch run onto the stage. Hutch goes to Linda) Police. You all right? (Starsky goes after Rene) Wait outside.

(Rene starts climb the walls.

Starsky: Nadasy!

(Starsky finds a ladder and climbs up after him. Hutch follows too. Nadasy reaches a balcony and throws a sandbag down at Hutch. It misses. Starsky reaches the balcony. Rene runs at him and they struggle. Rene tries to bite Starsky’s neck, but is pushed away. Rene turns and throws another sandbag at Hutch. He’s knocked back, but doesn’t fall. Rene swings on a rope to a side ladder. Starsky climbs the wall next to him while Hutch swings around to the ladder, just below Rene. They struggle. Rene continues climbing, kicking at Hutch. Starsky makes it to the top first and looks down at them.)

Starsky: Nadasy. (Rene reachs behind him and falls to the ground.) You know something?

Hutch: What?

Starsky: He almost made it.

Hutch: Like Supergnat said. “One out of two ain’t bad.”

Play Pen: Night.

(Starsky and Hutch enter looking sharp. They look around.)

Hutch: Look, there. I told you they’d be here.

Starsky: Okay. Hey, look. Supposing that we’re as irresistible and “swave and “debonyer” as usual…

Hutch: “Debonyer”?

Starsky: “Debonyer” It’s French. Where do you wanna go after this, your place or mine?

Hutch: Oh, yeah, that’s fine.

Starsky: What do you mean, “that’s fine”?

Hutch: Well, I’ll go to my place. You go to yours. Jane and I don’t like crowds.

Starsky: Jane and you? You don’t even know the girl.

Hutch: Well…(They walk over.) Look, do me a favour, will you? Try to act a little, you know…

Starsky: What do you think I am, crude?

Hutch: Well, I… (They reach the table.)

Starsky: Hi. Hi Jane. (Sits down.)

Hutch: Hello, Bobette. (Sits down.)

Jane: Hutch, no. I’m Jane. That’s Bobette.

Starsky: Uh, uh, uh. I’m Starsky. He’s Hutch.

Bobette: Oh, Ken and Dave, right?

Starsky: Wrong.

Hutch: Yeah. Uh, no, I’m Ken. He’s Dave.

Starsky: Well, what’s in a name, huh? (Huggy comes over.)

Huggy: There may be a lot in a name if you happen to be the on the vampire bit. (Tries looking at Starsky’s neck, but he shakes him off.)

Starsky: Get away from me, Huggy.

Huggy: Never fear, Huggy the hoodoo man is here.

Bobette: What’s he talking about?

Hutch: Well, you know what they say about people getting bitten by vampires.

Bobette: Uh-huh?

Hutch: Well, Huggy here is afraid that Starsky might turn into one.

Huggy: All we have to do is find the burned-out hollow of a tree stump, approach it at midnight and I’ve got everything we need. (Dips into his pouch.) I’ve got frog legs, bat wings, lizard tongue…

Starsky: Will you go play in the yard?

Huggy: Where’s my lizard tongues?

Hutch: Huggy. I wouldn’ve brought you mind, except I think I left it on the bureau.

Huggy: I must have left them in the fridge. I’ll be right back.

Starsky: Take them all, everything.

Huggy: Hey, Starsky. Don’t fly away. (Leaves.)

Jane: Does he really believe all that?

Hutch: Yeah, he sure does.

Starsky: Isn’t that the silliest thing you’ve ever heard? (Stuffs popcorn in his mouth and turn to the girls, growling. He turns to Hutch who just rolls his eyes.)

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